Monday, 6 August 2018

Change since Walk Across Borders?

3 years since we started Walk Cross Borders. 44 marathons in 44 days to raise awareness of parental child abduction, parental alienation and the Reunite charity and to show MY OWN daughter a small part of what I would do for her.. 

This started at Orihuela Court in Spain and ended at RCJ London.. Quite a lot of awareness was raised during this event but sadly, In this last few years, there has been little progress in reuniting with my daughter, mediation point blank refused and very tragically, my daughter has lost a loving grandmother perminently. 

I will keep reaching out to plea to the maternal family for this bs to end and stop the disgraceful alienating tactics that continues to keep us apart.. 8 years stolen so far :(... One more day closer..

#parentalalienation #parentalchildabduction #onedaycloser #walkacrossborders

http://walkacrossborders.blogspot.com/

Thursday, 2 August 2018

Parental Alienation / Parental Child Abduction - Thoughts of a Parent

Dear Parents

How are you today? I hope all is well and you are blessed to be able to treasure some moments of your day for quality time with your children...Please treasure every single second.

I'm sure some days are testing. That's what being a parent is all about but I am sure that many families that have been affected by parental child abduction and/or alienation would love to be in your position because many have not been able to even communicate with their child for months... or like myself, sometimes years and sadly this is mostly due to the selfishness of the other "parent" as well as the family court systems that appear to facilitate this abuse.


I write today because I am feeling particularly down about the situation some parents find themselves in. When an abduction occurs, at the beginning, there is absolute uproar with friends and family.

"How can the other parent do this?"
"It is so wrong for this to happen. What can we do to help?"

Fantastic!.. There is an instant rallying together to try to resolve the situation because obviously, the authorities won't allow this to happen for long will they?..... WRONG !!

There is no rush to resolve the situation with the authorities (that would reduce their pay cheques). 

A parent tries to do everything they can to resolve the situation and often go directly to a lawyer and pay a retainer if they have the money or look to family and friends to help them. 

They may find these lawyers with very little research into their background in family law or international cross border child issues as the urgency to resolve the situation does not allow time to do this research.


The parent does this as a gut reaction as they believe that the system is BOUND to protect them and their children.. . After all... to steal a child is obviously a crime..  WRONG AGAIN !! Well... it is a crime but is it really enforced as being one???

Even with the protection of the Hague Convention and Brussels II revised which is supposed to protect from this occurring. So many stalling and devious tactics are used by "legal experts" which are abusive, cruel and immoral such as trying to portray the affected parent as unfit with false allegations.

The system as it stands is set up for these tactics to be used as there is little or no deterrent nor accountability for using them. 

In fact, they are sometimes rewarded with legal aid which is part of the reason that this "method" is used. 

Sadly, there is no thought whatsoever by an abducting/alienating "parent" or their legal advisors into the possible long term emotional affects on the family and the children..

The affected parent continues to do everything they can to resolve the situation.. Paying additional expenses for lawyers and barristers and well as travelling back and forth to the country they have been abducted or removed to. 

They often get themselves in so much financial trouble as a result of this that they might never recover from..



 As the situation goes on and on with no or limited resolution, the concern of friends and family often diminishes. Instead of the initial uproar, they sometimes hear comments like..

"It will all work out someday when they are older"

"He / she seems to be happy"

"All must be ok because they are with the other parent"

"You need to continue with your life because they will come back someday"

"They will work out the truth someday" 

Etc.. Etc.. Etc... 

If you are affected, I am sure you can add much more to this list as you are wiping away your tears on a daily basis because, to you, the first person you think of a the start of the day is your absent child and continues throughout each and every day..

 You learn to become stronger on the outside but it never becomes easier and your love for your child never lessens. 


The fact that the child was effectively stolen and retained from their other parent and family no longer seems a concern to most.. and the longer this goes on, the less concern there seems to be. 

These parents are so frustrated about this because the longer this goes on actually shows even more how wrong this situation is. 

People sometimes no longer to even relate you to being a parent... 

Remember the Xmas cards etc where your child is no longer mentioned - EVEN from close friends and family? Hurts doesn't it??

 The abducting / alienating parent has been allowed to erase you and your family from their lives aided and abetted by the system/authorities that you put your trust in. 

So at this point, what does a parent do? Give up? Pretend their child never even existed, box the emotions away? It seems that this is what is expected..

Some find the strength to carry on doing everything they can to be reunited with their child and look at different ways of achieving this... but the more time goes on, the less help they seem to get ... even from organisation that specialise in these issues.

A parent becomes so frustrated and sometimes feel that talking about what they can be doing to reunite with their child becomes a taboo subject.. After all, they've had the time to "get over it"

People need to understand that they will NEVER "Get over it"... They just learn to be stronger and cope as best they can with the situation.

If you have a family member of a close friend in a similar position, please give them some thought from time to time. They might go about their lives wearing a plastic smile but inside they hurt just as much, if not more, today than they did when this whole nightmare started. 

One Day Closer all xxxx


Tuesday, 31 July 2018

Stop the hate! Stop the alienation! Stop the abuse!

There will come a point where you cannot control the thoughts of your child anymore and this might result in you losing them in their adult lives. 

If your children "are your world" then why do you HATE half of who they are so much that you feel the need to alienate them from the other parent and family?

#parentalalienation #parentalchildabduction #onedaycloser #stoptheabuse

Friday, 27 July 2018

Aleyah's role as Summer comes to an end

Just to let you know, my daughter Aleyah ends her role of Summer in School of Rock, London next month. Thank you to all who went to see her in the show (or tried to) and sent me photos.. It really does mean so much to me that you cared enough to do that and I'm sure it will to her too when we are reunited whenever that might be.. I have written all of your names and the date you went in the notebook I had made for her which will be kept in her memory chest.. One more day closer xxxx

Thursday, 26 July 2018

Join us on the Reunite Walk - 15th September

As mentioned in earlier posts, the Reunite International Child Abduction Centre annual walk is taking place at Stave Hill Ecology Park, London on Saturday 15th September

It would be great if we can get more people there.. Parents.. family members.. Friends/supporters. 

The more people that go, the more awareness we can show to people that are not necessarily affected by parental child abduction / retention / parental alienation as well as highlighting to MPs, authorities, media, social media etc.

It's an opportunity for parents to speak to others in a similar position to realise that they are not alone and give each other much needed support. It's also a good opportunity to speak to people from Reunite.

It only takes place once per year so I really hope that people will do what they can to give their support

We have booked our flights from Spain to be there so look forward to seeing you if you can make it.. 

Let Reunite know if you want to be there with us : +44 (0)116 2555 345 or reunite@dircon.co.uk

Remember.. This walk is primarily about getting parents, families together who have been affected by parental child abduction and friends/family/supporters. It is only 5km in a very pleasant setting..

Stave Hill Ecological Park

Timber Pond Rd, London SE16 6AX, UK

https://goo.gl/maps/ZkwpsUM2KqK2

Any sponsorship / monies raised is a bonus but I have set up a new Justgiving page to try to raise monies to update their IT to better support affected families though their advice line

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/reunite-spain-computerfund

Sunday, 22 July 2018

Always thinking of you Aleyah

Wherever I go, I'm thinking of you Aleyah.. Today I cycled past the swings where you used to play at playa flamenca.. I know you would be too old for these now but memories are all I have right now.. I cannot wait for the day we are reunited.. Always loving you.. Forever your dad.. Xxxx. #onedaycloser #aleyahmonkdalton aka alienation/stage name #aaliyahmonk

Thursday, 19 July 2018

Reunite International Annual Walk - 15th September

Reunite International Child Abduction Centre annual walk will take place this year on Saturday 15th September at Stave Hill Ecology Park in London. 

This walk is primarily about getting parents, families and supporters together who have been affected by parental child abduction.

Any sponsorship / monies raised is a bonus. However, if you do wish to sponsor us to help Reunite support parents and families affected by parental child abduction, you can do so on my Justgiving page 

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/smd-reunite

If you would like to participate, please contact reunite on : +44 (0)116 2555 345 or reunite@dircon.co.uk and let them know you would like to support them so they can estimate numbers. Thanks guys xx

Sunday, 24 June 2018

Positive News

Fantastic to hear tonight from a parent who has reunited with his children after several years separated through parental child abduction / parental alienation. There will no doubt be a healing period for them where the damage will need time to repair in order to rebuild their relationships but it was so positive to hear.

I hope they are given help with this process and not simply left to it as it will be a difficult process I am sure. 

Another positive is that the other parent admitted using false allegations as they were advised to by lawyers.. 

Maybe the family courts need to open their eyes and see that this is a tactic to achieve an objective and actually provide some form of deterrent and accountability for legal professionals as well as alienating parents?? .. 

Until they do, it will continue to be a tool used by alienating parents and malicious legal teams without any thought for the possible long term damage on the children xx



Friday, 22 June 2018

JOIN REUNITE PC FUND TEAM

We recently had a visit from Reunite International's CEO and she discussed with me a real need they have to updating their PC support system as it is very outdated and not compatible with some of the software they wish to use to run their adviceline / support system.


As you might know, Reunite International Child Abduction Centre are a registered charity who support parents and families worldwide who have been affected by parental child abduction so for obvious reasons, it is a charity close to my heart.

However, it is a small charity with a limited budget so I thought that maybe there could be something we could do to help them reach the target of £20,000 that they have been quoted..

With that in mind, I set up a justgiving "Team" page where we can add any events and fundraising we do as we go along...

www.justgiving.com/teams/reunite-pcfund

If you would like to donate to this fund or organise an event etc to help them reach this target, click on the link. 

If you are wanting to organise your own event for this fund, why not set up a JustGiving page and add your page to this team by clicking on the "Join the Team" link at the bottom of the team page.

Thanks xxxx

Another Day Closer

Another day closer... Always loving you.. Always thinking of you. Forever your Dad xxx



Wearing School of Rock shirt with pride

Wearing my School of Rock t-shirt with pride.. #prouddad #stickittotheman #schoolofrockuk #aleyahmonkdalton (aka stage/alienation name #aaliyahmonk) #summerhathaway xx


Wednesday, 21 March 2018

Plea....

Sharing in the hope that the mother and maternal grandparents will start to see how this needs to change.. Please put an end to this behaviour for our daughter's sake.. One day there will be an end to this.. Im sure you know that.. Wouldn't it be better sooner rather than later and have her know that you did that for her rather than the inevitable resentment she may have later in life?



I will plea again ... Please stop the bs..

Surely this must be stressful for everybody and really needs to stop?.. Please just allow our child to be loved and cared for by both parents.. 

The tactics that were used were so bad and have stolen so many years from our lives..

It has stolen our child's grandmother perminently which is unbelievably tragic..



I am trying to put my thoughts about this to one side and think of OUR child.. She deserves to be allowed to be loved and cared for by BOTH of her parents..

Communicate for the sake of our child.. She will thank you for that in the future whatever she is being taught to believe now.. 

Contact

Articles 

Can you forgive.....
Dear Alienating Parent
Patterns of Behaviour
Thoughts of a Parent...
Ironic view of Family Court...


Thoughts for my daughter

Always loving you Aleyah
Always thinking of you...
Forever your dad xxx



One day closer





Sunday, 18 March 2018

EI dia del padre

Fathers Day tomorrow here in Spain 'EI dia del padre"...It really is so difficult and the emotions heighten even more on key dates... Please don't forget that parents who cannot see their children due to abduction and /or alienation ARE still daddies or mummies on these days. The difference being that it cannot be acknowledged by the children that they love with all of their hearts... Thoughts with all affected parents, grandparents, families AND of course, their children.... One day closer x
#diadelpadre

Wednesday, 7 March 2018

International Women's Day

With International Women's Day, I could name several who should have some recognition but as it is international, there are very few more deserving than Alison Shalaby of Reunite International Child Abduction Centre for her work in raising awareness of parental child abduction and her support of parents and families affected by this.. Thanks Alison.. xxx
#reuniteinternationalchildabductioncentre #parentalchildabduction #parentalalienation #internationalwomansday

School Of Rock UK

I am so so proud of you Aleyah. Not a day goes by without me thinking of you.

Always loving you.... Forever your Dad

I cannot wait for the day we are reunited.... One more day closer

xxxxx
Aleyah, Aaliyah



Wednesday, 17 January 2018

Love the picture of you

I saw that Martins Prints UK made a picture of you…

It is amazing!!!

So proud of you Aleyah

20180114_141702

Always Loving you

Forever your Dad

One More Day Closer

xxxx

Thursday, 4 January 2018

How to Abduct and Retain Your Child


This article was written as an ironic view of how the current family court system can be used to facilitate the abduction and retention of children across international borders. Some of the points mentioned also relate to issues in the domestic family court system.

My reasoning is to highlight the tactics often used in cross border / domestic proceedings in the hope that the various authorities (and/or media) will provide an investigation into these issues which I would like to prompt greater deterrent and accountability.
 
https://medium.com/@SMD_1daycloser/how-to-abduct-and-retain-your-child-a91139915fa0


Wednesday, 27 December 2017

Another Xmas Come and Gone

Another Xmas come and gone.. Once again, it hasn't been easy but thank you so much to all close to me who made a difficult time of year as enjoyable as was possible...

Thanks to Michelle Clark who opened our dinner table to two lovely elderly people who may otherwise have spent the day alone. This type of selfless act of kindness shows what a special person she is.. (they had a wicked sense of humour too)

I so hope my little girl Aleyah had a good day... I hope with all of my heart that 2018 will be our year to be reunited...

I pray that abducting/alienating parents are given a conscience and realise how wrong their behaviour is and put a stop to it for their children's sake!!

Thoughts with all good parents who are so wrongfully alienated and/or restricted from being with their children.

This madness won't go on forever.. Stay strong and don't be beaten.. whether it's tomorrow, in the near future or further in time, your children will need you so don't give up!

ALWAYS loving you... FOREVER your Daddy.. One more day closer xx

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=2027246604219752&id=100008032963458


Sunday, 24 December 2017

Christmas wishes

Wishing everybody a happy & wonderful Christmas.

For those who are parents who are not able to see their children through abduction/alienation, my heart goes out to you and empathise with the hurt that you will undoubtedly be feeling.

Also so much thought for those who are suffering the bereavement of their children through illness or accident. It must be such a very traumatic time and must hurt so much in particular on these key dates.

Please stay strong and try to enjoy the season as much as possible with the people around you that are important in your life.

If you have your children / grandchildren with you this year, treasure every single moment with them. They will never be this age again.. You are very blessed..xx

Thank you to everybody that have stayed the distance, inspired me and helped me to stay focused and positive when I have needed it most. Also to the crazy loons I call friends who keep me smiling...

I really can't put into words how much I appreciate all that have given so much love and support. I'm blessed to have some amazing people around me.

Wishing my own daughter Aleyah a wonderful Christmas and pray that we are reunited very soon

https://youtu.be/zLjvNLKTOWM

Always loving you... Forever your dad..  One Day Closer!! xx

Tuesday, 19 December 2017

Xmas–Celebration?

Well.. Its less that a week now before Christmas and it is plainly clear that once again, my daughter will not be spending any time or even any communication with her paternal family. This was expected but nevertheless, just as heart-breaking as ever.

I will continue with writing cards and buying small gifts so that she will be able to read them and see that I have never given up... and never will.. Unfortunately, she won't see this until we are reunited..

This is now 8 years!.. and not one day has gone by without her on my mind and in my heart.
I pray that the mother will change her behaviour in 2018 and realise that whatever tactics she tries to use… whatever lies she tells in an attempt to alienate our child, I will keep on doing everything I possibly can to be reunited and be involved in her life.

There are a number of people who really should hang their heads in shame and 2018 is the year where I believe the time is right to become more public in not only raising awareness of parental child abduction and parental alienation, but also my own personal experiences of this occurring and the people who have been party to facilitating this behaviour.

I have been patient for a very long time. I have been silenced from providing any details but have been obedient and respectful of the family courts in the UK despite the horrific mistakes that have been made and the deception that has been used to achieve the objective of removing our daughter´s paternal family from her life.

This year, I tried once again to communicate through lawyers with the mother but her position has not changed and completely refused any mediation. I realise that she might feel the need to keep up the lies to justify her previous actions but maybe… just maybe… she, and the maternal grandparents should start putting our daughter first and be open about what they have done and why they have done it? Sadly, due to their past behaviours, this is necessary even though it might be so difficult for our child to come to terms with the fact that she has been lied to and betrayed for so many years.

They need to understand that at some point, this will be known. Wouldn´t it be better for them to speak to her  about their reasons rather than her find out the truths later. She has already lost to bereavement, a grandmother who loved her wholeheartedly... Please DON´T continue to keep her father from her too.



One more day closer x

Monday, 11 December 2017

Happy Christmas

I would like to take this opportunity to wish all of my friends and family a wonderful Christmas and a very happy 2018
24909951_2017560228521723_3346518477324843997_n
I pray that my own daughter Aleyah has an amazing Christmas too. She has had such an eventful year being cast as Summer in the West End Musical School of Rock under the name of Aaliyah Monk.
https://youtu.be/dRfLRS2-lzg
I was very proud and obviously very emotional when I saw the show a few times this year, all be it an anonymous face in the crowd. I could not stay away from such an important moment in her life and continue to keep pleading with her mother to end this madness and allow her to be reunited with her paternal family who love her wholeheartedly.
Hopefully 2018 will be the year that this happens. It WILL happen at some point but it would be so much better for her if this happens with her mother´s blessing sooner rather than later. She must realise that I will never ever give up.
One more day closer

Thursday, 5 October 2017

2018 Costa Blanca Calendar - Torrevieja Outlook

Thank you Andy Ormiston for inviting us to the lovely tranquil setting of Aroca Seiquer & Asociados based in Rocajuna area for the presentation and launch of the Torrevieja Outlook 2018 Calendar which shows some of the wonderful tourist attractions in the Costa Blanca.





This is the calendar's 13th year of publishing which is done to help to support a number of very worthwhile charities.
 


A number of calendars were donated to us to help to support the Reunite International Child Abduction Centre charity and can be purchased from us for a very small fee of €5 (+ postage if applicable). All of which can be paid directly to our JustGiving page

 https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/onedaycloser-reunite

Before purchasing, let me know via IM or email your address so I can advise of any additional postage costs.




Monday, 25 September 2017

Reunite Walk 2017 - Stave Hill Ecology Park

Hi all

It was lovely to see all of you wonderful parents and families at the Reunite International Child Abduction Centre walk last weekend at Stave Hill Ecology Park.

Thank you to the staff at the park and the team at Reunite for hosting the event which on a personal note, I find to be very helpful and also enjoyable.


The main object of the event was to bring families and supporters together as the issues many parents and families face are very difficult to understand unless you or a family member have been affected.

More photographs can be found HERE

The assumption of the public is that parental child abduction and alienation is simply a domestic issue but the possible affects lay much deeper than this psychologically and sometimes physically.


These issues affect not only the absent parent. It also affects the families and the child. The tactics that are sometimes used to alienate a child can also result in deep and lasting issues for the child that the alienating parent claims to love.

I appreciate the work that Reunite do in helping to raise awareness of parental child abduction throughout the world and also the emotional support they give through their adviceline. It is very important to support organisations like this. 

If you would like to donate to the charity, any amounts would be appreciated to help to keep their adviceline alive and to assist in the very important work that they do.


Donating through JustGiving is simple, fast and totally secure. Your details are safe with JustGiving – they’ll never sell them on or send unwanted emails. Once you donate, they’ll send your money directly to the charity and make sure Gift Aid is reclaimed on every eligible donation by a UK taxpayer. So it’s the most efficient way to donate - I raise more, whilst saving time and cutting costs for the charity. 

Thanks all xx 

Tuesday, 22 August 2017

Patterns of behaviour in the family court

There are such obvious and common patterns in behaviour and "tactics" that are evident in many cases of parental child abduction and alienation.


When reading many articles/posts, it seems like they are all working from the same handbook of emotional abuse... In these cases why don't the courts and childcare "professionals" identify these patterns? If they do, why do they ignore them?

Why do they not hold accountable parents that resort to false allegations and perjury?

Why is the child not automatically provided emotional help in family law cases? They are the most important people and can only ever be winners if the parents can be amicable so why is mediation and shared parenting not the model that the courts encourage as priority?  Could this be for financial reasons?

 In mediation, if a parent shows that they are not prepared to work with the other parent in the best interest of the child, shouldn't sanctions be applied?

I know there is an arguement that an alienating parent may go through the motions for the benefit of the court rather than the child... but when breaches of memorandums of understanding are made, shouldn't the parent breaching those agreements be sanctioned in some way?

Sadly, parents can go through the court process and be let down in very similar ways.. 
We know the system is broken but yet we are still forced to use work with it (until we are forced to decide that it will get us nowhere in its current form and/or we just can't afford to progress matters through the court without draining us completely which is also draining our children's financial security).. 

Personally, I will continue to raise awareness in any way I can but unless parents and families stand together and highlight these issues, it will be difficult to apply enough pressure to prompt change.. 

Sadly, people accept things the way they are or judge the non-custodial parent with a thought of "no smoke without fire" without giving a second thought to the lies, deception, perjury and failure of the courts which brought things to this point.

Acceptance of spurious, malicious and cruel allegations and blatant perjury in the courts that we put our trust in to protect us and our children is abusive in itself . It can be a direct CAUSE of psychological issues due to emotional trauma and has even been linked to suicide, especially in men.

Please please please, review your processes. It is assisting the destruction of many families by aiding and abetting the alienation of children with half of their family as well as the emotional health of parents who will do whatever they can to be in the lives of their children.

- One Day Closer

Sunday, 30 July 2017

Reunite International Annual Walk - London 23rd September

Our flights are booked for Reunite International Child Abduction Centre annual Walk at Stave Hill Ecology Park in London on Saturday 23rd September.


This walk is all about getting parents, families and supporters together. Any sponsorship / monies raised is a bonus. However, if you do wish to sponsor me to help them support parents and families affected by parental child abduction, you can do so on my Justgiving page  

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/smd-reunite

If you would like to join us there, please contact reunite on : +44 (0)116 2555 345 or reunite@dircon.co.uk and let them know you would like to support them so they can estimate numbers. Thanks guys xx

Friday, 23 June 2017

Costa Blanca Lodge of Tranquility - Gentlemans Evening

On Saturday 10th June, we were very kindly invited as guests to a Gentleman's Evening with the Ladies (and their gentlemen) of the Costa Blanca Lodge of Tranquility No 52 at the beautiful Hotel Montepiedra.


The ladies of the lodge have supported Reunite International Child Abduction Centre in 2016 and 2017. Their kindness, hard work and generosity is greatly appreciated by all at Reunite as well as the many parents who contact the charity for help, support and advice.

The mediation service is a vital part of reunite and as such, they decided to use the generous donations in 2016 to make improvements to their two mediation rooms so they can provide parents with a comfortable, tranquil space when attending meetings and mediation.

The evening was very enjoyable and had the most amazing menu and surroundings. I would highly recommend this hotel for all who wish to stay here or organise an event in the future.

 
 

  
 
Sadly, representitives from Reunite could not attend the event this year, however, I was honoured to be able to give a speech about the charity and the work that they do on their behalf


 Thank you all for your continued support and friendship



Sunday, 18 June 2017

Father's Day Wishes

Happy Fathers Day this weekend..If you are blessed to be able to spend it with your children, treasure every single second.. xx



It really is so difficult and the emotions heighten even more on key dates... Please don't forget that parents who cannot see their children due to abduction and /or alienation ARE still daddies or mummies on these days. The difference being that it cannot be acknowledged by the children that they love with all of their hearts... Thoughts with all affected parents, grandparents, families AND of course, their children.... One day closer x