Wednesday, 5 August 2020

Abuse of Family Court Systems Article

I remember when I wrote this, it got a mixed reception as it was a very sensitive subject to parents affected by parental alienation and parental child abduction and a few comments argued that it is providing an instruction guide for the alienator. I understand totally, as many parents affected by these behaviours can relate closely to a number of points in this article.




If you have NOT been through the family court processes, these points collectively might seem hard to believe.. After all, the courts work in the best interest of the child right?? There is no smoke without fire right?

This article highlights some tactics used in the hope that people can understand how easily the family court systems can be manipulated..

There are no winners in these cases other that the financial gain of legal professionals.. Least of all the child who stands to be separated from one side of their family (who love the child wholeheartedly) for many years, if not for a lifetime.

It can be a cause of psychological damage and even suicide for both the family and child..

Please read the article and comment if you can. Feedback - positive or negative is appreciated.


“Abuse of the family court systems” by Steven Monk-Dalton

Monday, 23 March 2020

Coronavirus - 50/50 parenting

As many already know, I fully support the idea of shared 50/50 parenting and do as much as I can to raise awareness of the possible impacts of parental alienation and parental child abduction.. However....

Right now people are in isolation in order to fight this coronavirus. The thought of "will this affect my contact visits?" should not really be approached.. Try to communicate with your ex to arrange skype/facetime/whatapp/zoom if your child is not currently in your care... you know it makes sense!!! KIDS FIRST!!!

I know that communicating with an alienating "parent" and trying to encourage them to be reasonable (to put your child first) might be almost impossible... but you need to try!

To my daughter Aleyah... ALWAYS loving you... Always thinking of you... Forever your Dad... One day closer...

Stay safe...!!!!

xxxxxxxxx

#ParentalAlienation #parentalchildabduction #sharedparenting #coronavirus #kidsfirst #stayhome

Wednesday, 18 March 2020

Father's Day Wishes

Fathers Day here in Spain, Italy and a number of other courtries... 

Happy Father's day to all good dads out there.. Or at least, as happy as it can be with the difficult situation the world is in at the moment..



It really is so difficult and the emotions heighten even more on key dates.. Even more so with what is going on at the moment..

I'm sure many alienated parents, like me, worry about mortality from time to time.. What if something happened to me?

Who would care enough to make sure my daughter is ok and also to make sure she knows how much I have tried for so long to be in her life?

Who would care enough to let her know who I really am.. Not the person her mother has portrayed me to be in order to tactically remove her from home in Spain and erase me and my family from her life?

What if anything happened to our daughter? Would I even be told? I have to play a detective role to find out anything about her.. It is so damn cruel.. Enough is enough.. Imagine how this behaviour might impact our child not only in childhood but also into adulthood!

----------------

Please don't forget that parents who cannot see their children due to abduction and /or alienation ARE still daddies or mummies on these days.

The difference being that it cannot be acknowledged by the children that they love with all of their hearts...

Thoughts with all affected parents, grandparents, families AND of course, their children.... One day closer x

#fathersday #kidsfirst #parentalalienation #parentalchildabduction #onedaycloser

Sunday, 1 March 2020

Mediation - The solution in cases of Parental Child Abduction?

I think we can fully agree that mediation is the best solution for the child so there is support for parents to put their children first over any dispute they might have with each other. 

Unfortunately though, there are many cases where mediation is NOT possible especially when parental alienation and/or false allegations are taking place and those cases which are no longer considered abduction cases due to the tactics used to remove the child AND those cases that have been ongoing for a long period of time.

In those cases, I don't feel that there is ANY current charity/organisation that can effectively support the left behind family nor the child.

Are you aware of any not just in UK but worldwide? 

My hope is that some charity and/or organisation will start to raise awareness of THOSE issues as well as just mediation.

Another issue is supporting the child and the left behind parent/family in a reunification process after being subject to alienation.

The child is left to "possibly" work things out.. But how difficult it must be to realise that a parent that they love and trust has been lying to them or tactically brainwashing them? (or hold on to the polluted portrayal of their other parent)

What support is given to the child and the left behind parent in situations like that?

#ParentalAlienation #parentalchildabduction #kidsfirst #mediation #familycourt

Monday, 30 December 2019

Never Give Up - One Day Closer

Over the past decade I have spoken with a number of parents about the situations they have found themselves in and, through my own experiences, I can totally understand some of the emotions that have been shown. Key times of year like Christmas, new year, birthdays etc can highten emotions. 




These range from hurt, despair, even to the point of suicidal thoughts to frustration, anger and directing their despair towards not only the other parent, but also the authorities, psychologists, childcare professionals and the court system. After-all, they have all contributed to their child being "stolen" haven't they? 

I have tried to address some of the thoughts of a parent in some of my earlier blogs

“Abuse of the family court systems” by Steven Monk-Dalton

“Understanding Stages of Grief applied to Parents Affected by Parental Child Abduction / Alienation…” by Steven Monk-Dalton

“Patterns of Behaviour in the Family Court” by Steven Monk-Dalton

However, we also need to take a serious look at how these parents quest for "justice" might be affecting their chances of reuniting with their children as it could be perceived as placing their children into a hostile environment.

Each case is very different but many have their similarities too such as false allegations, teaching/coaching fear and hatred to the child, frustrating any contact and many other heinous tactics.

These behaviours are often ignored or dismissed by the professionals that an affected parent tries to put their faith and trust in so this often results in the display of despair and anger that I was referring to earlier. Added to this is the cost of litigation to actually fight their corner which can financially destroy a parent to the point of no recovery..

When affected parents react to this in a verbally / textually hostile or aggressive way, or in any other way that might show some emotional instability, this will almost certainly be used against this parent as a reason why they should NOT be reunited with their child(ren).

Not only that, the perception could be that the parent has anger issues and is a reason why they do not see their child rather than the effect of the frustration, hurt and despair that is resulting from the emotional abuse THEY are being subjected to.

As parents coping with this situation, you should not lose focus about what is of primary importance to you...

Your children's well-being and to be reunited; re-establishing a healthy parental-child relationship where you can be in your child's life.

Your child needs the loving parent they had... Not a broken shell of that parent..

Ask yourself this... What is most important to you... To "get justice" or to be with your child?

I can almost guarantee that if a parent continues down the road of blame and getting justice (even if justified), this will be an obstacle of where you want to be.. and will continue to be so the longer it continues.

I am not saying here that a parent should pretend that this has not occurred; nor am I saying that it can be easily forgiven - especially when the behaviour is ongoing. What I AM saying is that focus needs to be on what you can do for your child to best help him/her through this horrific situation.

You cannot change what the other parent might have done or is doing but you can influence the future and how you deal with the situation.

It is very important that you do not change from being the alienated to being an alienator if and when contact is restored. Time may restore it's own truths, children may grow to seek their own answers. Why would you want to hurt them with adult issues in their childhood? They have suffered enough through the alienating tactics of the other parent.

Should the other parent "get away with" what they've done (or what they are doing)?

No... absolutely they shouldn't... What they are doing is abuse and these behaviours need deterrent and accountability.. but you are not going to change anything by taking a hostile approach other than giving that parent an excuse to say "I told you so".. It is playing right into their hands.. Don't give them the ammunition to shoot you with!

Is there an easy solution?

No.. very sadly not... You cannot control the actions of the other parent nor anybody else for that matter but for the sake of your children, you really do need to try as much as you can to not react to provocation and whenever you feel hurt or anger, before acting/reacting, think about how your actions might impact your child.

It is so important that you look after yourself and keep in mind that you need to do everything possible to build the foundations for you to be reunited and back in your child's life. Healthy mind and healthy body. Be productive, be positive and don't be beaten by this horrific situation. 

Never give up and keep strong all..

One Day Closer xx

Wednesday, 25 December 2019

Christmas Thanks 2019

Another Xmas has come and gone.. Once again, it hasn't been easy but thank you so much to all close to me who made a difficult time of year as enjoyable as was possible...


 

Thanks to Matt, Mark, David, Claire, "nan" and Linda for making us feel so welcome and for the most wonderful Christmas meal. 





To Laura and Mark and the kids (Michelles grandchildren) for sharing Christmas Eve with us and also of course to Michelle who is always so supportive and really is my rock.. Love ya!!


Thanks also to family and friends who sent cards and messages. They are really appreciated. ESPECIALLY those cards and messages that include Aleyah even though she has been absent now for 10 years.. They mean so much to me. 

As always, I keep every message for her so she will see for herself how much she is thought of, loved and missed xxxx



I so hope Aleyah had a wonderful day... I hope with all of my heart that 2020 will be our year to be reunited...




I pray that abducting/alienating parents are given a conscience and realise how wrong their behaviour is and put a stop to it for their children's sake!!

I pray that the family courts, authorities, childcare professionals and schools etc will have a greater understanding of these issues and act accordingly instead of burying their heads in the sand that these tactics occur so frequently.. Children are not weapons.. Dont allow them to be used as ammunition!! 

Thoughts with all good parents who are so wrongfully alienated and/or restricted from being with their children and of course to the children who are wrongfully stopped from being with a parent and one side of their family.. 

This madness won't go on forever.. Stay strong and don't be beaten.. whether it's tomorrow, in the near future or further in time, your children will need you so don't give up!

As always I send out this plea to my daughter's maternal family..


To my daughter Aleyah, I am ALWAYS loving you... Always thinking of you... FOREVER your Dad..

One more day closer xx

0034 622925754 (whatsapp) 

Thursday, 12 December 2019

Christmas Message 2019

Wishing everybody a happy & wonderful Christmas / holiday season


For those who are parents who are not able to see their children through parental child abduction/parental alienation/retention, my heart goes out to you and empathise with the hurt that you will undoubtedly be feeling.

Also so much thought for those who are suffering the bereavement of their children through illness or accident. It must be such a very traumatic time and must hurt so much in particular on these key dates.

Please stay strong and try to enjoy the season as much as possible with the people around you that are important in your life.

If you know anybody that is going through a difficult time or is on their own, check in on them. Involve them where you can. These holidays are a celebration  but also additionally difficult for some. 

If you have your children / grandchildren with you this year, treasure every single moment with them. They will never be this age again.. You are very blessed..xx

Thank you to all who have stayed the distance, inspired me and helped me to stay focused and positive when I have needed it most. Also to the crazy loons I call friends and family who keep me smiling and of course to Michelle Clark who gives me so much love and support. 

I really can't put into words how much I appreciate you all. I'm blessed to have some amazing people around me.

Wishing my own daughter Aleyah a wonderful Christmas and pray that we are reunited very soon



Always loving you... Forever your dad..  One More Day Closer!! xx

Sunday, 18 August 2019

14th birthday - Never Give Up



Next Sunday will be Aleyah's 14th birthday.. Yes 14! As we have done every year since she was taken, we will be trying to celebrate the day as much as possible and keeping cards and messages from friends and family for her to read when we are reunited. (let me know if you want a message from you kept for her).
We keep all messages etc in a memory chest for her so she will be able to see for herself that she is, and has always been in our minds and in our hearts. We will also, of course, have cake 🎂😉.

Next year, we plan to do another "Across Borders" event which Michelle is crazy enough to make the journey with me to help to raise awareness of parental child abduction and parental alienation.. and hopefully raise some funds for one or two worthy charities (TBD) .. Guess some more training is in order..

Thanks Michelle Clark and others who have stood by me, given your support, spoken up instead of just thinking how wrong this has been and those who have helped and supported these events and activities. Also those who have sent or posted messages of support. They all mean so much xxx

I have some amazing friends and family who I love and appreciate so much. You have helped to keep me strong, and smiling even when I have found moments so difficult.

We are one more day closer.. There will be an end to this madness.. Always loving you.. Forever your dad xx

#nevergiveup #onedaycloser #foreveryourdad #walkacrossborders #tandemacrossborders

Saturday, 3 August 2019

Plea to the maternal family

I continue to plea to the maternal family to end this madness. Enough is enough. The tactics to remove Aleyah from her home in Spain (for the 2nd time) were dispicable. Unforgivable..

It allowed you to achieve your objective. To erase Aleyah's paternal family from your life. But in doing that, you are also alienating Aleyah from her paternal family who love her unconditionally.

It is time to move forward and think of our daughter. She is an amazing young lady and has been given opportunities on stage that I probably couldnt have provided but what I would have provided is a loving relationship with both the maternal and paternal families.

I am so proud of her for everything she is achieving and also the way that her teachers say that she is keeping her feet on the ground.

One day I am sure you know we will be reunited. Aleyah is on my mind every single day and she does not deserve to be deceived in the way she has been.

Changing her name on stage, lies, deception, alienation, false allegations etc will never take away the fact that I am her father and I will always look out for her in any way I can.

You know this is the right thing to do even if you would never admit to the tactics you have used. It is time to move forward and allow her to have her father in her life.

My details are:

s.monkdalton@gmail.com
0034 622 925 754

Wednesday, 24 July 2019

Blocking posts and blogs

Sadly, it seems that along with the threats I received to try to stop me from posting about how I love and miss my daughter, attempts have also been made to remove my blogs and articles in an obvious attempt to stop the truth from being known.




I will continue to post to private blog messages to my daughter which she can read whenever she asks for access. 

It is so important for her to know that she is always in my mind and in my heart. Always has been.. Always will be.. 

The tactics used to keep us apart have been dispicable.. This will come to an end. One day she will seek the truth I am sure. 

When she is an adult, she won't be able to be controlled in the way she is now and decisions made for her. I have maintained a record should she seek these answers. 
All I wanted was to be in my daughter's life but every tactic possible has been used to try to stop that from happening.. All because I dared to instigate Hague proceedings for her return home after she was taken a decade ago. 

I have tried to request mediation several times but it is always refused by her mother. Probably through fear of the truth being known.

I want my daughter to know that I am not the person that I have been portrayed to be.. I am a loving father who would do anything for my child. 




Parental alienation and abuse of the family court with tactics like false allegations is horrific.. But I am not alone. There are many fathers, mothers and families that are having to cope and be patient in the same way we have.




But I am not broken by this. I am the same loving, caring father I always was... Only stronger! 

In a way, I can understand why such attempts are being used to try to silence me. The tactics that were used were beyond despicable. 

If and when answers are searched for, they are here. 

Ideally, I would have loved to be able to mediate. 

Despite those tactics used and the hurt that was caused to the paternal family, I have been willing to put those thoughts aside and discuss contact so our daughter can have both sides of her family in her life. She deserves that.. What she does not deserve is to be lied to and deceived in the way that she has been and still is being!! 

We are one day closer and I cannot wait for the day we are reunited.

Always loving you
Forever your dad

s.monkdalton@gmail.com 
0034 622 925 754

Saturday, 13 July 2019

Memories

Wonder if you remember these times Aleyah? I hope so... In some ways it seems like only yesterday.... In others, it seems like a lifetime ago... I miss you so much.. Not a day goes by without you in my mind and in my heart.. I am so proud of you... One more day closer xx



#aleyahmonkdalton aka alienation/stagename #aaliyahmonk #kidsfirst #onedaycloser

Thursday, 11 July 2019

RIP Mom (Aleyah's Nana)

12th July was the birthday of an amazing lady that I was proud to call Mom. Sadly, she passed away in Nov 2015. 




For such a small lady, she had such huge personality and huge strength. 




She absolutely worshipped her children, grandchildren and great grandchild as well as all of her friends and family. 




It is so so tragic that my daughter Aleyah didn't get the opportunity to reunite. They adored each other. The tactics used to keep them apart was cruel and heartless. Certain people should hang their heads in shame but sadly, I don't believe they have any conscience at all 😞

I wish she was still here :/ I miss her so damn much.. x









Sunday, 7 July 2019

Missing my Daughter Aleyah

I miss my little girl so much.

As much as one tries to stay strong, tries to keep positive, even tries to show smiles, it never gets any easier. But I am not going to be a shell of the person and dad that was left behind. I will be the same loving dad when we are reunited, only stronger and wiser... 

My little girl deserves her dad and family back!




I am sick to death of the injustices going on in the family courts nationally and internationally.

I am sick of the lies, the deceptions, the tactics to alienate children from good families with no deterrent or accountability for this premeditated abuse of the family AND children (and being gagged from talking about it in detail).

It breaks my heart when people dig their heads in the sand and allow this to happen.

The longer the abuse goes on, the more people seem to accept that it must be ok... It is not OK.... it will never be ok!




To be honest, I am drained. I continue to try to stay strong but am so disillusioned with authorities, organisations etc being able or even wishing to make a difference.. but I will keep trying to "encourage" these people and support the organisations that I believe are at least trying to change a broken system.

The trouble with being strong and being seen to be strong though is that no one seems to hear you when you ARE struggling. 

They just assume that you can deal with it.

I am not ashamed to admit I DO find it unbelievably difficult... traumatic..... heartbreaking... 

I sit in the room I keep decorated for my daughter many times weeping at our loss and wondering when justice will finally happen to allow us to be reunited. Not many people see this.




I am blessed to have some amazing friends and family who are supportive and do care. You help to keep me going and I am so grateful to have you in my life.




We are ONE DAY CLOSER... I just hope that day will come sooner rather than later... x

Saturday, 22 June 2019

Carrefest 2019 - Vote Shani

Let's get voting every day on Facebook and twitter for our talented friend Shani Ormiston. 🙂You can vote every day until the 7th July x


Click on this link to vote 👇

https://t.co/3iVstZimKu



Shani has been such amazing support for the Reunite International Child Abduction Centre charity and to me personally over the years so please give your support back in her musical career.. 









Thanks all x

Monday, 10 June 2019

Parental Alienation - So many questions.. So few answers

How many target parents (parental child abduction/parental alienation) will have to go through the totally flawed family court process at such a huge cost emotionally, financially & sometimes physically?

In many cases their lives are systematically destroyed not only by the abducting/alienating parent but also by the authorities they try to trust to protect them & their child.

Their character is subjected to an unjust & unfair battering which facilitates the abusive & narcissistic behaviour & totally fails the children as well as the target family.

These target parents continue to go through this process in the hope that THEY will be the one case that is different. 

There are some success stories (if you can call them that as the child loses out as soon as alienation tactics commence) but more often than not, the target parent seems to hit one brick wall after another as if it is engineered to sap the life of a loving parent with the objective of pushing them to the point where they cannot go on any longer. It's a very profitable and accepted emotional abuse.

I'm not convinced at the moment that there will be any real change unless there is a system in place to identify, deter and provide accountability for these heinous emotional abuses. Will this happen? I suspect not because conflict in the family court is such a profitable business so is often encouraged by some devious and immoral lawyers and court "professionals" 

I plea for the day where courts act on the deceptive, dishonest & abusive "tactics" that seem to repeat over and over again which I am convinced they are aware of. 

We will keep on hearing these nightmare stories where the system has failed parents & children. When will it end? 

If you found yourself facing this, what would you do? Imagine you woke tomorrow & found that your partner/ex-partner had internationally abducted your child. What would your first action be if reasoning/mediation was not possible due to the mindset of the abducting "parent"?

What if such heinous and false allegations were made against you in the family courts and they were simply accepted despite your pleas to investigate fully? 

What if your child was coached and brainwashed to reject you and your family? Who would you turn to? 

If you are in a position where you have been absent from your child's life through  alienation tactics for a long period of time, how would a parent help the child through the reunification process? Who can they turn to for help?

So many questions... So few answers. 

Taking some time out

I am a naturally positive person. I always have been.... But... I have to admit that I have never been so disillusioned with so much in this crazy circus. 

So much so, that I have felt the need to distance myself from organisations and groups that advertise as wanting to promote awareness and change. 

I've found that I have lost the will to write on the subjects anymore because it's all been said before. 

Even trying to read articles from knowledgeable people I have found that I am starting to switch off to because once again, it's all been said before with very little change. 

I have lost the enthusiasm to organise anything or even participate in anything at the moment that attempts to raise awareness of pca / pa because each time I try, it seems to be met with apathy even from the organisations I am trying to assist... 

After almost 10 years of trying to do something positive in such a difficult situation I have to be blunt and honest about this because it's how I feel. 

In my own situation, I've been patient because I have had to be. 

I was gagged until the point that I lost faith in the court system to be a mechanism to help to resolve the situation and help to reunite my daughter with her paternal family. I now post quite freely because the only way it seems to get to tell my child how much she is loved and missed is through social media.. 

That I will continue to do as it is so important for Aleyah to know that she is always in my heart and in my mind. 

I will continue to visit the school often and find out as much information about her progress as possible.. 

She is almost 14 now so there is a few more years left of "being patient" but at that point, I am still not sure how to approach reunification. 

I have reached out for advice here so many times but have simply been ignored. 

Aleyah will have to deal with the fact that she has been lied to and betrayed for so long as tactics to keep here away from her paternal family or she may refuse to be reunited and believe the alienation tactics that have been so venomously used.. How do I help her with this?

Over this 10 years, I have been given promises and words of hope from lawyers, advocates, groups and organisations but still, I am only closer through time.. Not through action or help.. Its frustrating.. 

I am sure many of you feel similar despite trying to gloss it over with positivity.. I wish you all well.. I really do, but for now, I think I need to step back a little

One Day Closer x

Sunday, 26 May 2019

Guilty for smiling on photos?

There was a comment on a group recently about feeling guilty about posting a picture of you smiling when having to cope with not seeing your children due to parental child abduction and/or parental alienation.

It's so important to keep strong and focus on other parts of your life that keep you as happy as you can be.. Dont feel guilty for smiling!

Your child needs the parent they had.. Only stronger.. Not a broken shell of the person you once were.. Its tough I know.. We all will have our moments where the situation overcomes us and the tears are flooding.. But remember, our children may feel guilt for being controlled in the way they may have been..

They will want to see a happy, strong parent that they can return to whether it's tomorrow, next week, next year or in the future.. One day closer x

#parentalchildabduction #parentalalienation #onedaycloser #lovehome #lovespain

Sunday, 21 April 2019

Parental Alienation Awareness Day

I put this video together to help to raise awareness of parental alienation for Parental Alienation Day on 25th April 2019. 

It has been almost 10 years since I have been able to spend any time with my daughter. I hope she remembers the first 4 years of her life when she was home in Spain. 

I will never give up on my child and look forward to the day we are reunited. One Day Closer xx


#kidsfirst #onedaycloser #foreveryourdad #parentalienationawareness #nevergiveup #kidsfirst

https://youtu.be/5Wa_44-viJc

Tuesday, 19 February 2019

Parental Alienation Awareness - Kids First

I aim to do everything I can to raise awareness of issues related to pa / pca and let my daughter know how much she is loved and missed... Also to continue to plea to the maternal family to just do the right thing for Aleyah... We are one day closer xx

https://youtu.be/5Wa_44-viJc

#parentalienationawareness #onedaycloser #foreveryourdad #kidsfirst ALWAYS loving you.. ALWAYS thinking about you.. FOREVER your dad.. Xx #aleyahmonkdalton  (aka stage/alienation name #aaliyahmonk)