Patterns of behaviour in the family court

There are such obvious and common patterns in behaviour and "tactics" that are evident in many cases of parental child abduction and alienation.

When reading many articles/posts, it seems like they are all working from the same handbook of emotional abuse... In these cases why don't the courts and childcare "professionals" identify these patterns? If they do, why do they ignore them?

Why do they not hold accountable parents that resort to false allegations and perjury?

Why is the child not automatically provided emotional help in family law cases? They are the most important people and can only ever be winners if the parents can be amicable so why is mediation and shared parenting not the model that the courts encourage as priority?  Could this be for financial reasons?

 In mediation, if a parent shows that they are not prepared to work with the other parent in the best interest of the child, shouldn't sanctions be applied?

I know there is an arguement that an alienating parent may go through the motions for the benefit of the court rather than the child... but when breaches of memorandums of understanding are made, shouldn't the parent breaching those agreements be sanctioned in some way?

Sadly, parents can go through the court process and be let down in very similar ways.. 
We know the system is broken but yet we are still forced to use work with it (until we are forced to decide that it will get us nowhere in its current form and/or we just can't afford to progress matters through the court without draining us completely which is also draining our children's financial security).. 

Personally, I will continue to raise awareness in any way I can but unless parents and families stand together and highlight these issues, it will be difficult to apply enough pressure to prompt change.. 

Sadly, people accept things the way they are or judge the non-custodial parent with a thought of "no smoke without fire" without giving a second thought to the lies, deception, perjury and failure of the courts which brought things to this point.

Acceptance of spurious, malicious and cruel allegations and blatant perjury in the courts that we put our trust in to protect us and our children is abusive in itself . It can be a direct CAUSE of psychological issues due to emotional trauma and has even been linked to suicide, especially in men.

Please please please, review your processes. It is assisting the destruction of many families by aiding and abetting the alienation of children with half of their family as well as the emotional health of parents who will do whatever they can to be in the lives of their children.

- One Day Closer

Questions on Parental Child Abduction

1. My child has been taken abroad without my permission. What shall I do?

Contact the relevant central authority (in UK, ICACU, in Spain - Ministerio de Justicia), and Reunite International Child Abduction Centre for advice (www.reunite.org)

 

2. What documents are going to be required to support any court action?

Copies of the child’s birth certificate, your marriage certificate (if relevant), divorce order (again, if relevant) and any existing court orders relating to your child.

 

3.  What if I know my child has been taken abroad, but I don’t know where? 

This may involve Interpol, tipstaff officers and/or private detectives. If necessary, seek court orders to require banks, schools, telecoms companies, etc. to reveal the location of the abducting parent. 

 

4. Once you know the child’s location, what then? 

Court proceedings may then take place in the country where the child has been abducted to. They may be an order made to make the child "ward or court" and an order made to stop the child leaving the jurisdiction. The child's passport will also most likely be ceased.

There are guidelines over the amount of time a return order or decision should take (If signatories of Hague Convention / Brussels 2) . From experience, I can advise that this may not be adhered to and you could be facing a long, emotional, expensive legal battle. My advice would be IF AT ALL POSSIBLE, try to resolve matters amicably. Possibly with the help of mediation and counselling (ask Reunite about this). You are both parents EQUALLY. Your children are not possessions !

 

5. What happens if court solution is required (Hague)? 

Firstly, do your homework on who should be representing you. There are specialist lawyers in this area of law and can be very expensive. There are also self proclaimed advocates / heroes / warriors who will take prey on parents in such a vulnerable position. Take extreme care. They cannot provide the easy solution that they might claim to make and can cause more harm than good.

Ask if you will be entitled to legal aid assistance. One of the difficult decisions to make is who to instruct for representation. Reunite unfortunately cannot recommend specific legal professionals.

The abducting parent will be required by the court to appear before it to confirm whether s/he is willing to return the child. If not, the court will then set a date on which the return petition will be heard (which will include hearing evidence from the abducting parent as well as the parent left behind). 

 

6. Will my child’s opinion be sought? 

Provided the child is of any age that her views should be taken into account, this may be a requirement. The court may order social services / CAFCASS to interview the child (with interpreters if necessary) and – although this would not happen in all countries – the judge may also want to see and speak to the child. This is NOT a reason to coach and manipulate your child. Parental alienation IS an abuse. Your child should NEVER be subjected to this.

 

7. How long will it take for the court to give its decision? 

Every case is different, but some countries do not adhere to the "strict" time limits that international law dictates. Some countries are VERY poor at enforcing the international rules that govern parental child abduction. 

 

8.  What if the court rules my child should be returned? 

If the child is not then voluntarily handed back to you, a request may be needed for the police to remove the child from the abducting parent and deliver him/her to you. Even if the abducting parent appeals the return order.

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The contents of this blog post are the thoughts of the writer

 

Karen Woodall Blog

The lady seems to know and understand the issues so well. I have read many posts by her and I respect and agree with almost all. Keep up the excellent work Karen. One Day Closer xx

......"Parental alienation is NOT about conflict between two parents even though it may look like that from the outside to the naive or unaware professional, it is about the actions of one parent, often an unwell parent, who is causing the child to reject the other parent, which causes the rejected parent to feel upset, hurt, unheard and often angry that help is not available.

Parental alienation is NOT about parents acting badly it is about one parent acting badly and the other being drawn into a desperate struggle to save their relationship with their child.

Parental alienation IS child abuse and like all child abuse it is harmful to the child not to intervene AND stop it AND punish the perpetrator especially if that person will not stop it and cannot show insight into what they have done......"

https://karenwoodall.wordpress.com/2017/02/14/why-parental-alienation-is-child-abuse-and-why-punishing-such-abuse-can-never-rebound-on-a-child/

..

Reunite - November News Roundup

At the beginning of the month, it was announced that the government has decided to opt in to the recast of the EU legislation known as the Brussels IIa regulation. The regulation outlines procedures to be used in cross-border family issues within the EU, such as the recognition of existing court orders and the abduction of children between EU states, and is currently being used by UK courts.

Reunite took part in the government’s consultation on the recast of Brussels IIa, and whether the UK should opt in to further discussions. They stated that the government shares their view that it is important for the UK to be part of the recast, even with Brexit on the horizon.

Reunite feel the impact of the proposed changes on families within the EU, including the families or British nationals living in other EU states, could be significant.

Reunite made a submission to the Justice Committee’s consultation on ‘the implications of Brexit for the justice system’ shortly following the announcement.

The EU’s Brussels IIa regulation is currently integrated into UK national law. Brussels IIa allows for orders in relation to parental responsibility to be recognised from one EU Member State to another, and adds extra obligations on Member States for the benefit of children in inter-EU 1980 Hague abduction cases.  

As a result, leaving the EU and potentially losing this key piece of legislation is going to have an impact on UK law and international family cases, and this needs to be taken into consideration by Parliament whatever happens next. 

Reunite hopes that their submission will be beneficial to the consultation and ultimately help to inform Parliament to make the best decisions for families and abducted children.

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On the 17th November, Reunite organised a parents get together in London. This was a great opportunity to have a chat and share experiences with other parents and a few members of the reunite team over a drink and some nibbles.

They organise these meetings every second month. If you would like to attend one of the future meetings, send an email to Mitta at reunite@dircon.co.uk who will send you further details.  

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Sadly, several new cases were reported during the month of November involving UK, Spain, Poland and Jamaica. Reunite aim provide ongoing advice and support to the parents who speak with them and work with them towards what will hopefully be a positive outcome for their children.

If you are affected by Parental Child Abduction and need advice, please call the Reunite International Child Abduction Centre advice line - 0044 (0)116 2556 234.

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Later in the month, Reunite hosted a seminar with the British Embassy in Seoul on the 1980 Hague Convention, with the aim of informing local lawyers about child abduction and how the 1980 Hague Convention works.

There were a number of speakers, who included the Hague Permanent Bureau, Judge Kim and Professor Suk from Korea, the Korean Central Authority, Justice Bennett from Australia, John Mellor of CAFCASS, Anne-Marie Hutchinson and our Reunite's Alison Shalaby.

Reunite hope that this seminar has helped to increase knowledge and confidence amongst professionals, in an effort to secure the best possible outcomes for the children in 1980 Hague cases.

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Also, late in November, Reunite's Sam Chapman attended the  Embassy Consular Conference, talking about the work of reunite with FCO's Consular Director, Julia Longbottom, and London's consular community.

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Here in Spain, we would like to offer our huge appreciation to the Costa Blanca Tranquillity Lodge for their continued support for the Reunite International Child Abduction Centre Charity. Through their efforts, they have raised approximately £1,500 that will be used towards updating the centre offices.

We would also like to give our best wishes and support to Shani Ormiston, who has supported the charity for a number of years through events and cd sales.

Her latest release "You Gotta Let It Go" can be seen on YouTube

It is also available on media download sites CD Baby (click here)  ,  iTunes (click here) , Google Play (click here), Spotify (click here)

Plea to stop parental child abduction / alienation

Sadly, these tactics are used over and over again without deterrent or accountability for doing so...

"Dear Alienating / abducting "parents"

You have proven your point that you can take "ownership" of our child by abducting and manipulating the system to achieve your goal in destroying the parental and family bond of the child and family that loves the child wholeheartedly.

You have proven that you can make false allegations, lie and deceive the courts and authorities in any way that you want to without any deterrent or accountability for doing so.

You have proven that you can portray a good parent to be an absolute monster and also coach your child in an attempt to have them believe your lies.

You have proven that you can use the system over and over again as long as the child's other parent and family do everything they can to be part of your child's life.

You have shown that you are prepared to emotionally harm your child and your child's family who love each other unconditionally

Does this make you proud? Does it give you a feeling of accomplishment to not only abuse your child's family but also your child him/her self?

Do you realise that this can affect your child, that you claim to love for the rest of their childhood lives and even into adulthood? Possibly even for the rest of their lives? Is this setting a good example for them being parents when they are older?

Do you realise also that when those children do start looking for answers, that the alienation that you are inflicting right now could cause your child to resent you.. And want to alienate you completely from their adult lives?

It is not too late to change your ways. Stop your abuse now.. Please.. For the sake of your child/children.

Anon (bound by gagging orders to "protect" the child from the truth)

One year ago since the completion of Walk Across Borders (5th Oct 2015)

A year ago today, I completed a 44 day walk (approx 1750km) between Orihuela, Spain and London.

My objectives were to:

1. Raise awareness of the issues surrounding parental child abduction and the impact on families and children
2. Raise awareness of parental alienation abuse and the impact on families and children
3. Raise awareness of the failures in family court and with authorities that sometimes appear to facilitate abduction, alienation and false allegations which can be used as a heinous alienation tactic.
4. Help the Reunite International UK charity who NEED the additional resources to effectively support families who are involved in international children's cases.. Over 17,000 calls were managed by their advice line in 2014. For such a small charity, this is an enormous task.
5. To show what affected parents are prepared to do to show their love for their children

We had such wonderful support from so many people on this journey from which we are so grateful. In particular, Michelle on the left of this photo who helped me advertise, walked a number of stages with me, drove the support car, wrote many posts on social media, hung the laundry wherever she could find a space (often at the side of the road) and kept me and people walking with me fed.. I really cannot thank her and others enough.

We also met some amazing people en route that provided an experience that we will never forget...

There were also some very testing moments too but we took those in our stride (excuse the pun)

I think we achieved most of what we wanted to achieve on the journey. In particular, raising awareness for which the number of hits on my Walk Across Borders blog was amazing.

I was also pleased that my mother was able to see us complete this before she sadly passed away in November...

She was so proud and fully supported the reasons why we decided to do this.. Tragically, she never had the opportunity to reunite with her granddaughter who she loved wholeheartedly until her last breath... It still does not seem real that she is no longer with us.. She was my rock... For such a small lady, she had so much courage and strength.. She is missed so much :(..xxx

 
Hopefully, we can continue to do as much as we can to try to make a difference... a positive difference... and just maybe enough awareness will be raised to prompt some change...

Doing nothing achieves nothing...

Nobody can do everything; but everybody can do something...

One more day closer xxxx

Reunite Walk - Thank you for your support

On Saturday 17th September, Reunite International Child Abduction Centre organised a walk at Stave Hill Ecology Park in London.

The primary objective of this event was to bring together parents and families that may have been affected by international child abduction as well as supporters of the charity.

Reunite would like to thank everybody who turned up to support the event and hope that this helped to show that you are not alone in your individual situations.

It was a pleasure for Michelle and I to be there for this year's event. We met some amazing and courageous people/parents as well as many contacts that we have previously connected with from previous years or through social media.