Sharing in the hope that the mother and maternal grandparents will
start to see how this needs to change.. Please put an end to this
behaviour for our daughter's sake.. One day there will be an end to this.. Im sure
you know that.. Wouldn't it be better sooner rather than later and have
her know that you did that for her rather than the inevitable resentment
she may have later in life?
I will plea again ... Please stop the bs..
Surely this must be stressful
for everybody and really needs to stop?.. Please just allow our child to
be loved and cared for by both parents..
The tactics that were used
were so bad and have stolen so many years from our lives..
It has stolen
our child's grandmother perminently which is unbelievably tragic..
I am trying to put my thoughts about this to one side and think of OUR
child.. She deserves to be allowed to be loved and cared for by BOTH of
her parents..
Communicate for the sake of our child.. She will thank you
for that in the future whatever she is being taught to believe now..
This
article was written as an ironic view of how the current family court
system can be used to facilitate the abduction and retention of children
across international borders. Some of the points mentioned also relate
to issues in the domestic family court system.
My
reasoning is to highlight the tactics often used in cross border /
domestic proceedings in the hope that the various authorities (and/or
media) will provide an investigation into these issues which I would
like to prompt greater deterrent and accountability.
Another Xmas come and gone.. Once again, it hasn't been easy but thank you so much to all close to me who made a difficult time of year as enjoyable as was possible...
Thanks to Michelle Clark who opened our dinner table to two lovely elderly people who may otherwise have spent the day alone. This type of selfless act of kindness shows what a special person she is.. (they had a wicked sense of humour too)
I so hope my little girl Aleyah had a good day... I hope with all of my heart that 2018 will be our year to be reunited...
I pray that abducting/alienating parents are given a conscience and realise how wrong their behaviour is and put a stop to it for their children's sake!!
Thoughts with all good parents who are so wrongfully alienated and/or restricted from being with their children.
This madness won't go on forever.. Stay strong and don't be beaten.. whether it's tomorrow, in the near future or further in time, your children will need you so don't give up!
ALWAYS loving you... FOREVER your Daddy.. One more day closer xx
For those who are parents who are not able to see their children through abduction/alienation, my heart goes out to you and empathise with the hurt that you will undoubtedly be feeling.
Also so much thought for those who are suffering the bereavement of their children through illness or accident. It must be such a very traumatic time and must hurt so much in particular on these key dates.
Please stay strong and try to enjoy the season as much as possible with the people around you that are important in your life.
If you have your children / grandchildren with you this year, treasure every single moment with them. They will never be this age again.. You are very blessed..xx
Thank you to everybody that have stayed the distance, inspired me and helped me to stay focused and positive when I have needed it most. Also to the crazy loons I call friends who keep me smiling...
I really can't put into words how much I appreciate all that have given so much love and support. I'm blessed to have some amazing people around me.
Wishing my own daughter Aleyah a wonderful Christmas and pray that we are reunited very soon
Well.. Its less that a week now before Christmas and it is plainly clear that once again, my daughter will not be spending any time or even any communication with her paternal family. This was expected but nevertheless, just as heart-breaking as ever.
I will continue with writing cards and buying small gifts so that she will be able to read them and see that I have never given up... and never will.. Unfortunately, she won't see this until we are reunited..
This is now 8 years!.. and not one day has gone by without her on my mind and in my heart.
I pray that the mother will change her behaviour in 2018 and realise that whatever tactics she tries to use… whatever lies she tells in an attempt to alienate our child, I will keep on doing everything I possibly can to be reunited and be involved in her life.
There are a number of people who really should hang their heads in shame and 2018 is the year where I believe the time is right to become more public in not only raising awareness of parental child abduction and parental alienation, but also my own personal experiences of this occurring and the people who have been party to facilitating this behaviour.
I have been patient for a very long time. I have been silenced from providing any details but have been obedient and respectful of the family courts in the UK despite the horrific mistakes that have been made and the deception that has been used to achieve the objective of removing our daughter´s paternal family from her life.
This year, I tried once again to communicate through lawyers with the mother but her position has not changed and completely refused any mediation. I realise that she might feel the need to keep up the lies to justify her previous actions but maybe… just maybe… she, and the maternal grandparents should start putting our daughter first and be open about what they have done and why they have done it? Sadly, due to their past behaviours, this is necessary even though it might be so difficult for our child to come to terms with the fact that she has been lied to and betrayed for so many years.
They need to understand that at some point, this will be known. Wouldn´t it be better for them to speak to her about their reasons rather than her find out the truths later. She has already lost to bereavement, a grandmother who loved her wholeheartedly... Please DON´T continue to keep her father from her too.
I would like to take this opportunity to wish all of my friends and family a wonderful Christmas and a very happy 2018
I pray that my own daughter Aleyah has an amazing Christmas too. She has had such an eventful year being cast as Summer in the West End Musical School of Rock under the name of Aaliyah Monk. https://youtu.be/dRfLRS2-lzg
I was very proud and obviously very emotional when I saw the show a few times this year, all be it an anonymous face in the crowd. I could not stay away from such an important moment in her life and continue to keep pleading with her mother to end this madness and allow her to be reunited with her paternal family who love her wholeheartedly.
Hopefully 2018 will be the year that this happens. It WILL happen at some point but it would be so much better for her if this happens with her mother´s blessing sooner rather than later. She must realise that I will never ever give up.
One more day closer
There are such obvious and common patterns in behaviour and "tactics"
that are evident in many cases of parental child abduction and
alienation.
When reading many articles/posts, it seems like they are all
working from the same handbook of emotional abuse... In these cases why
don't the courts and childcare "professionals" identify these patterns?
If they do, why do they ignore them?
Why do they not hold accountable
parents that resort to false allegations and perjury?
Why is the child
not automatically provided emotional help in family law cases? They are
the most important people and can only ever be winners if the parents
can be amicable so why is mediation and shared parenting not the model that the courts
encourage as priority? Could this be for financial reasons?
In mediation, if a parent shows that they are not prepared to work with the other parent in the best interest of the child, shouldn't sanctions be applied? I know there is an arguement that an alienating parent may go through the motions for the benefit of the court rather than the
child... but when breaches of memorandums of understanding are
made, shouldn't the parent breaching those agreements be sanctioned in some way?
Sadly, parents
can go through the court process and be let down in very similar ways.. We
know the system is broken but yet we are still forced to use work with it (until
we are forced to decide that it will get us nowhere in its current form and/or
we just can't afford to progress matters through the court without
draining us completely which is also draining our children's financial
security)..
Personally, I will continue to raise awareness in any way I can but
unless parents and families stand together and highlight these issues,
it will be difficult to apply enough pressure to prompt change..
Sadly,
people accept things the way they are or judge the non-custodial parent
with a thought of "no smoke without fire" without giving a second
thought to the lies, deception, perjury and failure of the courts which
brought things to this point.
Acceptance of spurious, malicious and cruel allegations and blatant perjury in the courts that we put our trust in to protect us and our children is abusive in itself . It can be a direct CAUSE of psychological issues due to emotional trauma and has even been linked to suicide, especially in men. Please please please, review your processes. It is assisting the destruction of many families by aiding and abetting the alienation of children with half of their family as well as the emotional health of parents who will do whatever they can to be in the lives of their children. - One Day Closer
On Saturday 10th June, we were very kindly invited as guests to a Gentleman's Evening with the Ladies (and their gentlemen) of the Costa Blanca Lodge of Tranquility No 52 at the beautiful Hotel Montepiedra.
The ladies of the lodge have supported Reunite International Child Abduction Centre in 2016 and 2017. Their kindness, hard work and generosity is greatly appreciated by all at Reunite as well as the many parents who contact the charity for help, support and advice.
The mediation service is a vital part of reunite and as such, they decided to use the generous donations in 2016 to make improvements to their two mediation rooms so they can provide parents with a comfortable, tranquil space when attending meetings and mediation.
The evening was very enjoyable and had the most amazing menu and surroundings. I would highly recommend this hotel for all who wish to stay here or organise an event in the future.
Sadly, representitives from Reunite could not attend the event this year, however, I was honoured to be able to give a speech about the charity and the work that they do on their behalf
Thank you all for your continued support and friendship
For those who are parents who are not able to see their children through abduction/alienation, my heart goes out to you and empathise with the hurt that you will undoubtedly be feeling.
Also so much thought for those who are suffering the bereavement of their children through illness or accident. It must be such a very traumatic time and must hurt so much in particular on these key dates.
Please stay strong and try to enjoy the season as much as possible with the people around you that are important in your life.
If you have your children / grandchildren with you this year, treasure every single moment with them. They will never be this age again.. You are very blessed..xx
Thank you to everybody that have stayed the distance, inspired me and helped me to stay focused and positive when I have needed it most. Also to the crazy loons I call friends who keep me smiling...
I really can't put into words how much I appreciate all that have given so much love and support. I'm blessed to have some amazing friends and family.
At the beginning of the month, it was announced that the government has decided to opt in to the
recast of the EU legislation known as the Brussels IIa regulation. The
regulation outlines procedures to be used in cross-border family issues
within the EU, such as the recognition of existing court orders and the
abduction of children between EU states, and is currently being used by
UK courts.
Reunite took part in the government’s consultation on
the recast of Brussels IIa, and whether the UK should opt in to further
discussions. They stated that the government shares their view that it
is important for the UK to be part of the recast, even with Brexit on
the horizon.
Reunite feel the impact of the proposed changes on families
within the EU, including the families or British nationals living in
other EU states, could be significant.
Reunite made a submission to the Justice Committee’s consultation on ‘the implications of Brexit for the justice system’ shortly following the announcement.
The EU’s Brussels IIa regulation is currently integrated into UK national law. Brussels IIa allows for orders in relation to parental
responsibility to be recognised from one EU Member State to another, and
adds extra obligations on Member States for the benefit of children in
inter-EU 1980 Hague abduction cases.
As a
result, leaving the EU and potentially losing this key piece of
legislation is going to have an impact on UK law and international
family cases, and this needs to be taken into consideration by Parliament
whatever happens next.
Reunite hopes that their submission will be beneficial to the consultation and
ultimately help to inform Parliament to make the best decisions for
families and abducted children.
On the 17th November, Reunite organised a parents get together in London. This was a great opportunity to have a chat and share experiences with
other parents and a few members of the reunite team over a drink and
some nibbles.
They organise these meetings every second month. If you would like to attend one of the future meetings, send an email to Mitta at reunite@dircon.co.uk who will send you further details.
Sadly, several new cases were reported during the month of November involving UK, Spain, Poland and Jamaica. Reunite aim provide ongoing advice and support to the parents who speak with them and work with them towards what will hopefully be a positive outcome
for their children.
If you are affected by Parental Child Abduction and need advice, please call the Reunite International Child Abduction Centre advice line - 0044 (0)116 2556 234.
Later in the month, Reunite hosted a seminar with the British Embassy in Seoul on the 1980 Hague
Convention, with the aim of informing local lawyers about child
abduction and how the 1980 Hague Convention works.
There were a number of speakers, who included the Hague Permanent Bureau,
Judge Kim and Professor Suk from Korea, the Korean Central Authority,
Justice Bennett from Australia, John Mellor of CAFCASS, Anne-Marie
Hutchinson and our Reunite's Alison Shalaby.
Reunite hope that this seminar has helped to increase knowledge and
confidence amongst professionals, in an effort to secure the best
possible outcomes for the children in 1980 Hague cases.
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Also, late in November, Reunite's Sam Chapman attended the Embassy Consular Conference, talking about the work of reunite with
FCO's Consular Director, Julia Longbottom, and London's consular
community.
Here in Spain, we would like to offer our huge appreciation to the Costa Blanca Tranquillity Lodge for their continued support for the Reunite International Child Abduction Centre Charity. Through their efforts, they have raised approximately £1,500 that will be used towards updating the centre offices.
We would also like to give our best wishes and support to Shani Ormiston, who has supported the charity for a number of years through events and cd sales.
Her latest release "You Gotta Let It Go" can be seen on YouTube
Are you going to be joining us for the Reunite Walk on Saturday 17th September 2016 at Stave Hill Ecological Park, London?
Reunite International Child Abduction Centre have organised their walk every year since 2010 and it is a great opportunity to bring together parents and supporters who have been in contact with them over the years. It is only about 5-6 km so is perfect for supporters of all ages and should be a lovely day out.
It is also a chance to raise money in support of their advice line so that they can continue to offer advice, information and support to parents and those affected by international parental child abduction.
The focus of the day is to bring people together, so there is NO pressure to raise money
If you can come along or would like some more information please send them an email at reunite@dircon.co.uk or phone +44 (0)116 2555 345 so they know how many people will be there on the day.
How are you today? I hope all is well and you are blessed to be able to treasure some moments of your day for quality time with your children...Please treasure every single second.
I'm sure some days are testing. That's what being a parent is all about but I am sure that many families that have been affected by parental child abduction and/or alienation would love to be in your position because many have not been able to even communicate with their child for months... or like myself, sometimes years and sadly this is mostly due to the selfishness of the other "parent" as well as the family court systems that appear to facilitate this abuse.
I write today because I am feeling particularly down about the situation some parents find themselves in. When an abduction occurs, at the beginning, there is absolute uproar with friends and family.
"How can the other parent do this?"
"It is so wrong for this to happen. What can we do to help?"
Fantastic!.. There is an instant rallying together to try to resolve the situation because obviously, the authorities won't allow this to happen for long will they?..... WRONG !!
There is no rush to resolve the situation with the authorities (that would reduce their pay cheques).
A parent tries to do everything they can to resolve the situation and often go directly to a lawyer and pay a retainer if they have the money or look to family and friends to help them.
They may find these lawyers with very little research into their background in family law or international cross border child issues as the urgency to resolve the situation does not allow time to do this research.
The parent does this as a gut reaction as they believe that the system is BOUND to protect them and their children.. . After all... to steal a child is obviously a crime.. WRONG AGAIN !! Well... it is a crime but is it really enforced as being one???
Even with the protection of the Hague Convention and Brussels II revised which is supposed to protect from this occurring. So many stalling and devious tactics are used by "legal experts" which are abusive, cruel and immoral such as trying to portray the affected parent as unfit with false allegations.
The system as it stands is set up for these tactics to be used as there is little or no deterrent nor accountability for using them.
In fact, they are sometimes rewarded with legal aid which is part of the reason that this "method" is used.
Sadly, there is no thought whatsoever by an abducting/alienating "parent" or their legal advisors into the possible long term emotional affects on the family and the children..
The affected parent continues to do everything they can to resolve the situation.. Paying additional expenses for lawyers and barristers and well as travelling back and forth to the country they have been abducted or removed to.
They often get themselves in so much financial trouble as a result of this that they might never recover from..
As the situation goes on and on with no or limited resolution, the concern of friends and family often diminishes. Instead of the initial uproar, they sometimes hear comments like..
"It will all work out someday when they are older"
"He / she seems to be happy"
"All must be ok because they are with the other parent"
"You need to continue with your life because they will come back someday"
etc etc etc
"They will work out the truth someday"
If you are affected, I am sure you can add much more to this list as you are wiping away your tears on a daily basis because, to you, the first person you think of a the start of the day is your absent child and continues throughout each and every day..
You learn to become stronger on the outside but it never becomes easier and your love for your child never lessens.
The fact that the child was effectively stolen and retained from their other parent and family no longer seems a concern to most.. and the longer this goes on, the less concern there seems to be.
These parents are so frustrated about this because the longer this goes on actually shows even more how wrong this situation is.
People sometimes no longer to even relate you to being a parent...
Remember the Xmas cards etc where your child is no longer mentioned - EVEN from close friends and family? Hurts doesn't it??
The abducting / alienating parent has been allowed to erase you and your family from their lives aided and abetted by the system/authorities that you put your trust in.
So at this point, what does a parent do? Give up? Pretend their child never even existed, box the emotions away? It seems that this is what is expected..
Some find the strength to carry on doing everything they can to be reunited with their child and look at different ways of achieving this... but the more time goes on, the less help they seem to get ... even from organisation that specialise in these issues.
A parent becomes so frustrated and sometimes feel that talking about what they can be doing to reunite with their child becomes a taboo subject.. After all, they've had the time to "get over it"
People need to understand that they will NEVER "Get over it"... They just learn to be stronger and cope as best they can with the situation.
If you have a family member of a close friend in a similar position, please give them some thought from time to time. They might go about their lives wearing a plastic smile but inside they hurt just as much, if not more, today than they did when this whole nightmare started.
Thank
you to all who made a donation to Reunite and have shared my links to
help to raise awareness of parental child abduction and parental
alienation
I would really appreciate your support for Reunite International Child Abduction
Centre. No matter how small, it would really mean a lot.
Reunite
International Child Abduction Centre is the leading UK charity
specialising in advice, assistance, mediation and research in relation
to international parental child abduction and the movement of children
across international borders.
One of reunite’s main services is the provision of their advice line which accepts calls from parents and families from all over
the world and also offers an emergency service outside of office hours
I, personally, will also be doing this in memory of my mother Doreen
Dalton who always wanted to do a parachute jump (as if 3 bungee jumps
and a firewalk wasn't enough.. which she did over the last 15 years of
her life).
Sadly, she passed away in November 2015 before she could be
reunited with her granddaughter who she loved wholeheartedly.
JustGiving sends your donation straight to Reunite and, if you're a UK
taxpayer, automatically reclaims Gift Aid on Reunite's behalf, making
your donation go further. What's more, JustGiving will never spam or
sell your details.
I hope you'll join me in supporting Reunite (UK Reg Charity Ref 1075729)
Thank you Gemma Quinn for your article in Euro Weekly
