Patterns of behaviour in the family court

There are such obvious and common patterns in behaviour and "tactics" that are evident in many cases of parental child abduction and alienation.

When reading many articles/posts, it seems like they are all working from the same handbook of emotional abuse... In these cases why don't the courts and childcare "professionals" identify these patterns? If they do, why do they ignore them?

Why do they not hold accountable parents that resort to false allegations and perjury?

Why is the child not automatically provided emotional help in family law cases? They are the most important people and can only ever be winners if the parents can be amicable so why is mediation and shared parenting not the model that the courts encourage as priority?  Could this be for financial reasons?

 In mediation, if a parent shows that they are not prepared to work with the other parent in the best interest of the child, shouldn't sanctions be applied?

I know there is an arguement that an alienating parent may go through the motions for the benefit of the court rather than the child... but when breaches of memorandums of understanding are made, shouldn't the parent breaching those agreements be sanctioned in some way?

Sadly, parents can go through the court process and be let down in very similar ways.. 
We know the system is broken but yet we are still forced to use work with it (until we are forced to decide that it will get us nowhere in its current form and/or we just can't afford to progress matters through the court without draining us completely which is also draining our children's financial security).. 

Personally, I will continue to raise awareness in any way I can but unless parents and families stand together and highlight these issues, it will be difficult to apply enough pressure to prompt change.. 

Sadly, people accept things the way they are or judge the non-custodial parent with a thought of "no smoke without fire" without giving a second thought to the lies, deception, perjury and failure of the courts which brought things to this point.

Acceptance of spurious, malicious and cruel allegations and blatant perjury in the courts that we put our trust in to protect us and our children is abusive in itself . It can be a direct CAUSE of psychological issues due to emotional trauma and has even been linked to suicide, especially in men.

Please please please, review your processes. It is assisting the destruction of many families by aiding and abetting the alienation of children with half of their family as well as the emotional health of parents who will do whatever they can to be in the lives of their children.

- One Day Closer

"You Don't Have to Hit to Hurt..."

Have you ever been in a position where it seems that somebody, or some people will go out of their way to harm you and/or your family?

This can be physical harm; or it could be emotional. Sadly, the latter seems to be tolerated or accepted and yet, the emotional harm can leave scars that can last a lifetime. The difference is, they are not always visible.

Those who are coping with parental child abduction and/or parental alienation know all too well the emotional effects on them personally whether they are a parent, a family member or a child.

The Fathers Rights movement group estimate that 24,000 men a year commit suicide as a result of family court issues. If this figure is to be believed, when you add this figure to women and children who are affected, the figures will be so much higher..

When you add this to other emotional abuses such as false allegations, bullying & cyber bullying, defamation, harassment, you can only imagine what the figures might be.

I will stress here that these are suicide rates!! MANY MANY more people suffer emotionally and sometimes physically each day from these type of abuses. So the question needs to be asked, is society doing enough to deter this? 

I recall from my childhood the saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me".. The facts are... "Words CAN hurt people"

What would your response be if it was found that somebody or some people were targeting a family member or a friend? I would like to think that readers of this blog would do what they can to protect that person and not be a bystander or even become a "participant abuser".

It is quite common in narcissistic behaviour that if a person is not successful in causing emotional damage to their target directly, that they will then aim for friends, associates, businesses and the general public in their attempts to harm that person. Whatever they feel their reason is, this weapon of choice can be a deadly one.

It is only recently that cyber bullying has become a crime. This is a positive step but unfortunately, the number of reported cases is low in contrast to the amount of times we see this occurring and social media themselves do very little to help the situation. They advise reporting and blocking but sadly, once an abusive/defamatory post has been publicly posted, the damage has already been done. No deterrent or accountability for the attacker.

The advice for the target is not to respond no matter how tempted you are to do so but to gather as much evidence as possible and report the matter to the police. However, this behaviour is so common on social media, it could not possibly be policed effectively so the responsibility should be to the social media moderators and the public themselves.

Another huge concern about abusive social media posts are that sometimes they can come from somebody close to the target as they might have had private argument or debate over a personal issue. Social media should not be the platform to voice this. People need to start thinking of the power of this form of media. It can be an amazing tool to do so many positive things. However, when not used in this way, it can be a very damaging form of abuse

I watched a TV programme the other day where "celebrities" were given the opportunity to investigate and face internet trolls and it enforced my thought that these people are cowards who have very little life of their own so instead, they try to destroy the lives of others..

Next time you see somebody premeditatedly trying to inflict emotional harm on another, how will you act?

Parental Child Abduction / Alienation - Thoughts of a parent

Dear Parents

How are you today? I hope all is well and you are blessed to be able to treasure some moments of your day for quality time with your children...Please treasure every single second.

I'm sure some days are testing. That's what being a parent is all about but I am sure that many families that have been affected by parental child abduction and/or alienation would love to be in your position because many have not been able to even communicate with their child for months... or like myself, sometimes years and sadly this is mostly due to the selfishness of the other "parent" as well as the family court systems that appear to facilitate this abuse.

I write today because I am feeling particularly down about the situation some parents find themselves in. When an abduction occurs, at the beginning, there is absolute uproar with friends and family.

"How can the other parent do this?"
"It is so wrong for this to happen. What can we do to help?"

Fantastic!.. There is an instant rallying together to try to resolve the situation because obviously, the authorities won't allow this to happen for long will they?..... WRONG !!

There is no rush to resolve the situation with the authorities (that would reduce their pay cheques). 

A parent tries to do everything they can to resolve the situation and often go directly to a lawyer and pay a retainer if they have the money or look to family and friends to help them. 

They may find these lawyers with very little research into their background in family law or international cross border child issues as the urgency to resolve the situation does not allow time to do this research.

The parent does this as a gut reaction as they believe that the system is BOUND to protect them and their children.. . After all... to steal a child is obviously a crime..  WRONG AGAIN !! Well... it is a crime but is it really enforced as being one???

Even with the protection of the Hague Convention and Brussels II revised which is supposed to protect from this occurring. So many stalling and devious tactics are used by "legal experts" which are abusive, cruel and immoral such as trying to portray the affected parent as unfit with false allegations.

The system as it stands is set up for these tactics to be used as there is little or no deterrent nor accountability for using them. 

In fact, they are sometimes rewarded with legal aid which is part of the reason that this "method" is used. 

Sadly, there is no thought whatsoever by an abducting/alienating "parent" or their legal advisors into the possible long term emotional affects on the family and the children..

The affected parent continues to do everything they can to resolve the situation.. Paying additional expenses for lawyers and barristers and well as travelling back and forth to the country they have been abducted or removed to. 

They often get themselves in so much financial trouble as a result of this that they might never recover from..

 As the situation goes on and on with no or limited resolution, the concern of friends and family often diminishes. Instead of the initial uproar, they sometimes hear comments like..

"It will all work out someday when they are older"

"He / she seems to be happy"

"All must be ok because they are with the other parent"

"You need to continue with your life because they will come back someday"
etc etc etc

"They will work out the truth someday" 

If you are affected, I am sure you can add much more to this list as you are wiping away your tears on a daily basis because, to you, the first person you think of a the start of the day is your absent child and continues throughout each and every day..

 You learn to become stronger on the outside but it never becomes easier and your love for your child never lessens. 

The fact that the child was effectively stolen and retained from their other parent and family no longer seems a concern to most.. and the longer this goes on, the less concern there seems to be. 

These parents are so frustrated about this because the longer this goes on actually shows even more how wrong this situation is. 

People sometimes no longer to even relate you to being a parent... 

Remember the Xmas cards etc where your child is no longer mentioned - EVEN from close friends and family? Hurts doesn't it??

 The abducting / alienating parent has been allowed to erase you and your family from their lives aided and abetted by the system/authorities that you put your trust in. 

So at this point, what does a parent do? Give up? Pretend their child never even existed, box the emotions away? It seems that this is what is expected..

Some find the strength to carry on doing everything they can to be reunited with their child and look at different ways of achieving this... but the more time goes on, the less help they seem to get ... even from organisation that specialise in these issues.

A parent becomes so frustrated and sometimes feel that talking about what they can be doing to reunite with their child becomes a taboo subject.. After all, they've had the time to "get over it"

People need to understand that they will NEVER "Get over it"... They just learn to be stronger and cope as best they can with the situation.

If you have a family member of a close friend in a similar position, please give them some thought from time to time. They might go about their lives wearing a plastic smile but inside they hurt just as much, if not more, today than they did when this whole nightmare started. 

One Day Closer all xxxx

Reunite International Shield - Fixtures for final group stage

 The final group stages will take place next weekend following over into Monday at Centro Deportivo Municipal - Orihuela Costa. Rescheduled due to FA Cup finals and availability of the teams...

Saturday 21st May

5pm - Group A
The Firestation v Reunite International 

Monday 23rd May

7pm - Group A
Pachangas FC v Club I FC

8pm - Group B
HamKam v The Hub
CF de Bassus v murciaservices.com

With the group tables still being wide open, all teams can still progress to the semifinals / final on Saturday May 28th. 

There IS still evening entertainment hosted by The Fire Station on Saturday 21^st in which Gemma will be performing. This is sure to be another great night.

Any proceeds from the tournament and related events will go to Reunite International Child Abduction Centre Charity.

Reunite International Child Abduction Centre is the leading UK charity specialising in advice, assistance, mediation and research in relation to international parental child abduction and the movement of children across international borders.

If you would like any further information about the charity, contact One Day Closer - Villamartin Plaza (onedaycloser.reunite@gmail.com / 0034 966 18 44 69)

Thank you to Spain Estate - Villamartin who are kindly sponsoring the trophies for this event.

We are also looking for YOUR help with raffle prize donations to help to support the charity even further.

Any financial donations for this event can be made on  www.justgiving.com/Reunite-International-Shield . Thank you to ALL who are helping to support us

Murder-suicide surviving daughter: "The Family Court completely failed us"

Today I read an article on the kidspot website that really hit my heart strings. It was a statement from a young lady called Grace Cuzens who is a surviving daughter in a very tragic case.

"Grace Cuzens was just 13 years old when her mother murdered her two sisters before taking her own life. Now 17, she has spoken out about her traumatic childhood and the Family Court’s place in it." (Kidspot)

 

http://www.kidspot.com.au/parenting/real-life/in-the-news/murder-suicide-surviving-daughter-the-family-court-completely-failed-us

Were there any lessons learned from this case? I really hope that her courageous message helps to raise awareness as much as possible the devastating impact of the family court process and helps to prompt changes in a system that seems to fail so many families.

In her statement she mentioned,..."I wish someone had explained to us why we never saw dad, explained that he did love us and wanted to see us but we never got that. We were only ever told what mum wanted us to think of him and it was never positive and never unbiased. . In writing this I wanted to encompass the positive and negative elements of the Family Court but I have come to the realisation that there was no positive for me. Only trauma and suffering. Grace Cuzens 3.2.16"

Please take a few minutes out of your day to read her full statement here

Bless you Grace

Reunite to offer counselling service

Reunite International Child Abduction Centre are a registered charity based in Leicester, UK.

Currently each year, they offer hundreds of affected parents, grandparents and other family family members support, information and contacts through their advice line and they understand how painful it can be for anyone who is going through the trauma, isolation and emotional damage that can be caused by international parental child abduction and alienation. In 2014, there were over 17,000 calls made through their advice line

 

They are looking to compliment this advice line and mediation with a bespoke counselling service, so they would really like to know the thoughts of affected families and share their ideas.

 If you have any thoughts on what you would like to see from a counselling service please let them know by calling their advice line on 0044 (0)116 2556 234 or send them an email at reunite@dircon.co.uk

I believe that a counselling service would be a major step forward in tackling this very serious problem (a) if it is embraced and supported by the family courts and authorities. (b) Also if the focus is on providing a solution of ALL involved. eg.

1) To support parents and families who are coping with the loss of the child through parental child abduction or alienation

2) To provide counselling to the abducting parent with a clear message of the emotional damage they could be causing through their actions to their child as well as the other parent and family.

3) To the child who is having to cope with the loss of a parent and family through no fault of their own. They are literally having the love of half of their family stolen from them

I can envisage that in many cases, the abducting parent will object to any counselling from the charity for them or their child so I believe that it is essential that the courts and authorities support this type of service.

Steven Monk-Dalton