Parental Alienation / Parental Child Abduction - Thoughts of a Parent

Dear Parents

How are you today? I hope all is well and you are blessed to be able to treasure some moments of your day for quality time with your children...Please treasure every single second.

I'm sure some days are testing. That's what being a parent is all about but I am sure that many families that have been affected by parental child abduction and/or alienation would love to be in your position because many have not been able to even communicate with their child for months... or like myself, sometimes years and sadly this is mostly due to the selfishness of the other "parent" as well as the family court systems that appear to facilitate this abuse.

I write today because I am feeling particularly down about the situation some parents find themselves in. When an abduction occurs, at the beginning, there is absolute uproar with friends and family.

"How can the other parent do this?"
"It is so wrong for this to happen. What can we do to help?"

Fantastic!.. There is an instant rallying together to try to resolve the situation because obviously, the authorities won't allow this to happen for long will they?..... WRONG !!

There is no rush to resolve the situation with the authorities (that would reduce their pay cheques). 

A parent tries to do everything they can to resolve the situation and often go directly to a lawyer and pay a retainer if they have the money or look to family and friends to help them. 

They may find these lawyers with very little research into their background in family law or international cross border child issues as the urgency to resolve the situation does not allow time to do this research.

The parent does this as a gut reaction as they believe that the system is BOUND to protect them and their children.. . After all... to steal a child is obviously a crime..  WRONG AGAIN !! Well... it is a crime but is it really enforced as being one???

Even with the protection of the Hague Convention and Brussels II revised which is supposed to protect from this occurring. So many stalling and devious tactics are used by "legal experts" which are abusive, cruel and immoral such as trying to portray the affected parent as unfit with false allegations.

The system as it stands is set up for these tactics to be used as there is little or no deterrent nor accountability for using them. 

In fact, they are sometimes rewarded with legal aid which is part of the reason that this "method" is used. 

Sadly, there is no thought whatsoever by an abducting/alienating "parent" or their legal advisors into the possible long term emotional affects on the family and the children..

The affected parent continues to do everything they can to resolve the situation.. Paying additional expenses for lawyers and barristers and well as travelling back and forth to the country they have been abducted or removed to. 

They often get themselves in so much financial trouble as a result of this that they might never recover from..

 As the situation goes on and on with no or limited resolution, the concern of friends and family often diminishes. Instead of the initial uproar, they sometimes hear comments like..

"It will all work out someday when they are older"

"He / she seems to be happy"

"All must be ok because they are with the other parent"

"You need to continue with your life because they will come back someday"

"They will work out the truth someday" 

Etc.. Etc.. Etc... 

If you are affected, I am sure you can add much more to this list as you are wiping away your tears on a daily basis because, to you, the first person you think of a the start of the day is your absent child and continues throughout each and every day..

 You learn to become stronger on the outside but it never becomes easier and your love for your child never lessens. 

The fact that the child was effectively stolen and retained from their other parent and family no longer seems a concern to most.. and the longer this goes on, the less concern there seems to be. 

These parents are so frustrated about this because the longer this goes on actually shows even more how wrong this situation is. 

People sometimes no longer to even relate you to being a parent... 

Remember the Xmas cards etc where your child is no longer mentioned - EVEN from close friends and family? Hurts doesn't it??

 The abducting / alienating parent has been allowed to erase you and your family from their lives aided and abetted by the system/authorities that you put your trust in. 

So at this point, what does a parent do? Give up? Pretend their child never even existed, box the emotions away? It seems that this is what is expected..

Some find the strength to carry on doing everything they can to be reunited with their child and look at different ways of achieving this... but the more time goes on, the less help they seem to get ... even from organisation that specialise in these issues.

A parent becomes so frustrated and sometimes feel that talking about what they can be doing to reunite with their child becomes a taboo subject.. After all, they've had the time to "get over it"

People need to understand that they will NEVER "Get over it"... They just learn to be stronger and cope as best they can with the situation.

If you have a family member of a close friend in a similar position, please give them some thought from time to time. They might go about their lives wearing a plastic smile but inside they hurt just as much, if not more, today than they did when this whole nightmare started. 

One Day Closer all xxxx

2018 Costa Blanca Calendar - Torrevieja Outlook

Thank you Andy Ormiston for inviting us to the lovely tranquil setting of Aroca Seiquer & Asociados based in Rocajuna area for the presentation and launch of the Torrevieja Outlook 2018 Calendar which shows some of the wonderful tourist attractions in the Costa Blanca.

This is the calendar's 13th year of publishing which is done to help to support a number of very worthwhile charities.
 

A number of calendars were donated to us to help to support the Reunite International Child Abduction Centre charity and can be purchased from us for a very small fee of €5 (+ postage if applicable). All of which can be paid directly to our JustGiving page

 https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/onedaycloser-reunite

Before purchasing, let me know via IM or email your address so I can advise of any additional postage costs.

Reunite Walk 2017 - Stave Hill Ecology Park

Hi all

It was lovely to see all of you wonderful parents and families at the Reunite International Child Abduction Centre walk last weekend at Stave Hill Ecology Park.

Thank you to the staff at the park and the team at Reunite for hosting the event which on a personal note, I find to be very helpful and also enjoyable.

The main object of the event was to bring families and supporters together as the issues many parents and families face are very difficult to understand unless you or a family member have been affected.

More photographs can be found HERE

The assumption of the public is that parental child abduction and alienation is simply a domestic issue but the possible affects lay much deeper than this psychologically and sometimes physically.

Understanding Stages of Grief applied to Parents Affected by Parental Child Abduction

These issues affect not only the absent parent. It also affects the families and the child. The tactics that are sometimes used to alienate a child can also result in deep and lasting issues for the child that the alienating parent claims to love.

I appreciate the work that Reunite do in helping to raise awareness of parental child abduction throughout the world and also the emotional support they give through their adviceline. It is very important to support organisations like this. 

If you would like to donate to the charity, any amounts would be appreciated to help to keep their adviceline alive and to assist in the very important work that they do.

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/smd-reunite 

Donating through JustGiving is simple, fast and totally secure. Your details are safe with JustGiving – they’ll never sell them on or send unwanted emails. Once you donate, they’ll send your money directly to the charity and make sure Gift Aid is reclaimed on every eligible donation by a UK taxpayer. So it’s the most efficient way to donate - I raise more, whilst saving time and cutting costs for the charity. 

Thanks all xx 

Costa Blanca Lodge of Tranquility - Gentlemans Evening

On Saturday 10th June, we were very kindly invited as guests to a Gentleman's Evening with the Ladies (and their gentlemen) of the Costa Blanca Lodge of Tranquility No 52 at the beautiful Hotel Montepiedra.

The ladies of the lodge have supported Reunite International Child Abduction Centre in 2016 and 2017. Their kindness, hard work and generosity is greatly appreciated by all at Reunite as well as the many parents who contact the charity for help, support and advice.

The mediation service is a vital part of reunite and as such, they decided to use the generous donations in 2016 to make improvements to their two mediation rooms so they can provide parents with a comfortable, tranquil space when attending meetings and mediation.

The evening was very enjoyable and had the most amazing menu and surroundings. I would highly recommend this hotel for all who wish to stay here or organise an event in the future.

 

 

  

 

Sadly, representitives from Reunite could not attend the event this year, however, I was honoured to be able to give a speech about the charity and the work that they do on their behalf

 Thank you all for your continued support and friendship

Reunite Walk - Stave Hill Ecological Park, London

Are you going to be joining us for the Reunite Walk on Saturday 17th September 2016 at Stave Hill Ecological Park, London?

Reunite International Child Abduction Centre have organised their walk every year since 2010 and it is a great opportunity to bring together parents and supporters who have been in contact with them over the years. It is only about 5-6 km so is perfect for supporters of all ages and should be a lovely day out.

It is also a chance to raise money in support of their advice line so that they can continue to offer advice, information and support to parents and those affected by international parental child abduction.

The focus of the day is to bring people together, so there is NO pressure to raise money

If you can come along or would like some more information please send them an email at reunite@dircon.co.uk or phone +44 (0)116 2555 345 so they know how many people will be there on the day.

https://www.facebook.com/events/319510375053372/

We hope you´ll be able to join them. They also state that you please feel free to bring friends and family with you.

The team will be meeting at Stave Hill Ecological Park, London at around 10.30am and hope to start the walk around 12.00pm.



Please give your support... We will be there and you can sponsor us through our JustGiving page https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Onedaycloser-Reunite

For all the parents, families and children who are doing everything they can to be reunited, please.. keep strong... You ARE one day closer....

"You Don't Have to Hit to Hurt..."

Have you ever been in a position where it seems that somebody, or some people will go out of their way to harm you and/or your family?

This can be physical harm; or it could be emotional. Sadly, the latter seems to be tolerated or accepted and yet, the emotional harm can leave scars that can last a lifetime. The difference is, they are not always visible.

Those who are coping with parental child abduction and/or parental alienation know all too well the emotional effects on them personally whether they are a parent, a family member or a child.

The Fathers Rights movement group estimate that 24,000 men a year commit suicide as a result of family court issues. If this figure is to be believed, when you add this figure to women and children who are affected, the figures will be so much higher..

When you add this to other emotional abuses such as false allegations, bullying & cyber bullying, defamation, harassment, you can only imagine what the figures might be.

I will stress here that these are suicide rates!! MANY MANY more people suffer emotionally and sometimes physically each day from these type of abuses. So the question needs to be asked, is society doing enough to deter this? 

I recall from my childhood the saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me".. The facts are... "Words CAN hurt people"

What would your response be if it was found that somebody or some people were targeting a family member or a friend? I would like to think that readers of this blog would do what they can to protect that person and not be a bystander or even become a "participant abuser".

It is quite common in narcissistic behaviour that if a person is not successful in causing emotional damage to their target directly, that they will then aim for friends, associates, businesses and the general public in their attempts to harm that person. Whatever they feel their reason is, this weapon of choice can be a deadly one.

It is only recently that cyber bullying has become a crime. This is a positive step but unfortunately, the number of reported cases is low in contrast to the amount of times we see this occurring and social media themselves do very little to help the situation. They advise reporting and blocking but sadly, once an abusive/defamatory post has been publicly posted, the damage has already been done. No deterrent or accountability for the attacker.

The advice for the target is not to respond no matter how tempted you are to do so but to gather as much evidence as possible and report the matter to the police. However, this behaviour is so common on social media, it could not possibly be policed effectively so the responsibility should be to the social media moderators and the public themselves.

Another huge concern about abusive social media posts are that sometimes they can come from somebody close to the target as they might have had private argument or debate over a personal issue. Social media should not be the platform to voice this. People need to start thinking of the power of this form of media. It can be an amazing tool to do so many positive things. However, when not used in this way, it can be a very damaging form of abuse

I watched a TV programme the other day where "celebrities" were given the opportunity to investigate and face internet trolls and it enforced my thought that these people are cowards who have very little life of their own so instead, they try to destroy the lives of others..

Next time you see somebody premeditatedly trying to inflict emotional harm on another, how will you act?

Reunite International Sponsored Walk - Stave Hill Ecological Park, London - Sat 17th September - 12pm

Reunite International Child Abduction Centre have organised their sponsored walk every year since 2010 and it is a great opportunity to bring together parents and supporters who have been in contact with them over the years. 

It is also a chance to raise money in support of their advice line so that they can continue to offer advice, information and support to parents and those affected by international parental child abduction. However the focus of the day is to bring people together, so there is NO pressure to raise money.

If you can come along or would like some more information please send them an email at reunite@dircon.co.uk or phone +44 (0)116 2555 345 so they know how many people will be there on the day.

We hope you´ll be able to join them. They also state that you please feel free to bring friends and family with you.

The team will be meeting at Stave Hill Ecological Park, London at around 10.30am and are due to start the walk around 12.00pm. Please give your support... One Day Closer will be there and you can sponsor us through our JustGiving page https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Onedaycloser-Reunite

Parental Child Abduction / Alienation - Thoughts of a parent

Dear Parents

How are you today? I hope all is well and you are blessed to be able to treasure some moments of your day for quality time with your children...Please treasure every single second.

I'm sure some days are testing. That's what being a parent is all about but I am sure that many families that have been affected by parental child abduction and/or alienation would love to be in your position because many have not been able to even communicate with their child for months... or like myself, sometimes years and sadly this is mostly due to the selfishness of the other "parent" as well as the family court systems that appear to facilitate this abuse.

I write today because I am feeling particularly down about the situation some parents find themselves in. When an abduction occurs, at the beginning, there is absolute uproar with friends and family.

"How can the other parent do this?"
"It is so wrong for this to happen. What can we do to help?"

Fantastic!.. There is an instant rallying together to try to resolve the situation because obviously, the authorities won't allow this to happen for long will they?..... WRONG !!

There is no rush to resolve the situation with the authorities (that would reduce their pay cheques). 

A parent tries to do everything they can to resolve the situation and often go directly to a lawyer and pay a retainer if they have the money or look to family and friends to help them. 

They may find these lawyers with very little research into their background in family law or international cross border child issues as the urgency to resolve the situation does not allow time to do this research.

The parent does this as a gut reaction as they believe that the system is BOUND to protect them and their children.. . After all... to steal a child is obviously a crime..  WRONG AGAIN !! Well... it is a crime but is it really enforced as being one???

Even with the protection of the Hague Convention and Brussels II revised which is supposed to protect from this occurring. So many stalling and devious tactics are used by "legal experts" which are abusive, cruel and immoral such as trying to portray the affected parent as unfit with false allegations.

The system as it stands is set up for these tactics to be used as there is little or no deterrent nor accountability for using them. 

In fact, they are sometimes rewarded with legal aid which is part of the reason that this "method" is used. 

Sadly, there is no thought whatsoever by an abducting/alienating "parent" or their legal advisors into the possible long term emotional affects on the family and the children..

The affected parent continues to do everything they can to resolve the situation.. Paying additional expenses for lawyers and barristers and well as travelling back and forth to the country they have been abducted or removed to. 

They often get themselves in so much financial trouble as a result of this that they might never recover from..

 As the situation goes on and on with no or limited resolution, the concern of friends and family often diminishes. Instead of the initial uproar, they sometimes hear comments like..

"It will all work out someday when they are older"

"He / she seems to be happy"

"All must be ok because they are with the other parent"

"You need to continue with your life because they will come back someday"
etc etc etc

"They will work out the truth someday" 

If you are affected, I am sure you can add much more to this list as you are wiping away your tears on a daily basis because, to you, the first person you think of a the start of the day is your absent child and continues throughout each and every day..

 You learn to become stronger on the outside but it never becomes easier and your love for your child never lessens. 

The fact that the child was effectively stolen and retained from their other parent and family no longer seems a concern to most.. and the longer this goes on, the less concern there seems to be. 

These parents are so frustrated about this because the longer this goes on actually shows even more how wrong this situation is. 

People sometimes no longer to even relate you to being a parent... 

Remember the Xmas cards etc where your child is no longer mentioned - EVEN from close friends and family? Hurts doesn't it??

 The abducting / alienating parent has been allowed to erase you and your family from their lives aided and abetted by the system/authorities that you put your trust in. 

So at this point, what does a parent do? Give up? Pretend their child never even existed, box the emotions away? It seems that this is what is expected..

Some find the strength to carry on doing everything they can to be reunited with their child and look at different ways of achieving this... but the more time goes on, the less help they seem to get ... even from organisation that specialise in these issues.

A parent becomes so frustrated and sometimes feel that talking about what they can be doing to reunite with their child becomes a taboo subject.. After all, they've had the time to "get over it"

People need to understand that they will NEVER "Get over it"... They just learn to be stronger and cope as best they can with the situation.

If you have a family member of a close friend in a similar position, please give them some thought from time to time. They might go about their lives wearing a plastic smile but inside they hurt just as much, if not more, today than they did when this whole nightmare started. 

One Day Closer all xxxx

Tandem Skydive - Done :-)

Skydive in aid of Reunite International Child Abduction Centre and in memory of my mother Doreen Dalton who always wanted to do this but sadly passed away in November 2015.

The jump was AMAZING!

Thank you to all who made a donation to Reunite and have shared my links to help to raise awareness of parental child abduction and parental alienation

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/reunite-skydive

You can still donate on the link https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/reunite-skydive
This link also shows the amount raised to date.

I had a video made on the day

To my daughter.. I love you so much.. Always have.. Always will... One Day Closer !!!! xxxx

Now I'm thinking about what to do for my next challenge :-) xx

Tandem Skydive on July 1st, 2016

It's not long now before my Skydive (July 1st).

I would really appreciate your support for Reunite International Child Abduction Centre. No matter how small, it would really mean a lot.

Reunite International Child Abduction Centre is the leading UK charity specialising in advice, assistance, mediation and research in relation to international parental child abduction and the movement of children across international borders.

One of reunite’s main services is the provision of their advice line which accepts calls from parents and families from all over the world and also offers an emergency service outside of office hours

I, personally, will also be doing this in memory of my mother Doreen Dalton who always wanted to do a parachute jump (as if 3 bungee jumps and a firewalk wasn't enough.. which she did over the last 15 years of her life).

Sadly, she passed away in November 2015 before she could be reunited with her granddaughter who she loved wholeheartedly.

You can make a donation via my page: http://www.justgiving.com/reunite-skydive. It's easy, fast and totally secure.

JustGiving sends your donation straight to Reunite and, if you're a UK taxpayer, automatically reclaims Gift Aid on Reunite's behalf, making your donation go further. What's more, JustGiving will never spam or sell your details.

I hope you'll join me in supporting Reunite (UK Reg Charity Ref 1075729)

Thank you Gemma Quinn for your article in Euro Weekly

Costa Blanca Tranquillity Lodge Gentleman's Evening

We would like to take this opportunity to thank the Costa Blanca Tranquility Lodge for their support this year. It really means so much to the charity that they have selected Reunite International Child Abduction Centre as their nominated charity for 2016.

The Gentleman's evening was held at the beautiful Clock House (La Casa del Reloj) in San Pedro del Pinatar and it was wonderful to see Samantha Chapman and Joanne Orton from Reunite flying over from UK to be at the event.

Thank you so much to Jemmy, Linda and all at the Lodge as well as the staff at Clock House and JJ (entertainment) for making it such a lovely event.

Reunite International Shield - Fixtures for final group stage

 The final group stages will take place next weekend following over into Monday at Centro Deportivo Municipal - Orihuela Costa. Rescheduled due to FA Cup finals and availability of the teams...

Saturday 21st May

5pm - Group A
The Firestation v Reunite International 

Monday 23rd May

7pm - Group A
Pachangas FC v Club I FC

8pm - Group B
HamKam v The Hub
CF de Bassus v murciaservices.com

With the group tables still being wide open, all teams can still progress to the semifinals / final on Saturday May 28th. 

There IS still evening entertainment hosted by The Fire Station on Saturday 21^st in which Gemma will be performing. This is sure to be another great night.

Any proceeds from the tournament and related events will go to Reunite International Child Abduction Centre Charity.

Reunite International Child Abduction Centre is the leading UK charity specialising in advice, assistance, mediation and research in relation to international parental child abduction and the movement of children across international borders.

If you would like any further information about the charity, contact One Day Closer - Villamartin Plaza (onedaycloser.reunite@gmail.com / 0034 966 18 44 69)

Thank you to Spain Estate - Villamartin who are kindly sponsoring the trophies for this event.

We are also looking for YOUR help with raffle prize donations to help to support the charity even further.

Any financial donations for this event can be made on  www.justgiving.com/Reunite-International-Shield . Thank you to ALL who are helping to support us